Lenting Chocolate

Since Isabelle was born I have been on a chocolate rampage.  It was never enough.  I found myself seeking chocolate uncontrollably all hours of the day and night.  It was a problem.  Especially since I have some unwanted pounds.  So I thought that I would use lent as an opportunity to break my chocolate habit.  Ha ha.  It has been 4 weeks.

The first two weeks of lent were spent discovering how entrenched chocolate is in my diet.  Can I have white chocolate?  Who knew that supposedly red velvet has chocolate in it?  Not me.  I was iffy about the white chocolate since it does not have cocoa in it but ultimately decided that it would simply act as a substitute for 'real' chocolate.  Red velvet was simply ignorance on my part.  Had no idea.

So two full weeks without any chocolate, although some close calls.  I thought by now the cravings would have let up but they have not.  My husband regularly asks me if I'm catholic and then taunts me with his increase in chocolate.  The biggest thing I have learned from this is that I can do what I say I will do and I can keep promises.

Unfortunately the positive side effects I was hoping for are not there.  I have not lost weight.  I do not run faster.  The cravings are still present.  It feels more like a battle of will at this point.  I can and will hold on but at this point it is solely because I said I would do it.  So here's to two more weeks of chocolate-less bliss.

General Conference

As I listened to General Conference, over the loudness of my children and their constant demands, the main message for me seemed to revolve around temples.  I was listening to learn about Joseph Smith but I felt more impressed to focus on temples.  I have struggled to attend the temple since moving here to Ohio and have definitely felt the resultant impact on my testimony.  My spiritual reservoir is low and I need to refill it.
I guess overall I have felt the gentle pull of the Saviour to regain a deeper spirituality.  It is nice to feel like I am stepping in the right direction.  I have found some friends that have agreed to go with me to swap babysitting and I am excited to take them up on this offer.  I am excited to follow the prophet's council and return the temple more frequently.

Spring

Now that it is spring our basement isn't nearly as cold.  Still cold but not as cold.  I am now more willing to come down here and pluck out a few things.  The last couple of months have brought changes.

Josh is talking a lot and expressing his opinions.  A lot. He asks "Mommy holdge me" or "daddy holdge me".  He says "No mommy" and "Sit mommy".  So cute!  But also naughty.  Just like Abby he has me running around like a crazy woman.  Unlike Abby he is aggressive to other kids.  We are working with that.  In part I think it is because he seems to always be tired.

He does not sleep well.  There is a recently ray of hope.  A kind angel in our ward gave us a new pillow top twin bed for Josh.  He has slept a lot better the last few nights.  I feel more confident asking him to go to sleep on his own.  I am starting to feel optimistic that his sleep will improve.

Abby is just getting older.  I think she is almost thirteen.  Or so she acts.  She likes Justin Beiber, I think, because everyone else seems too.  She is quickly learning to read and I am cherishing her notes that become more and more proficient everyday.  Someday soon she will look at these notes and see her 'creative' spelling.  I love it.  I love her eagerness to learn.  It makes up for the annoying things she does-which are many.

She adores Isabelle and wants to be involved as much as possible.  She has started to clean really well.  Probably annoyed at my post-baby house cleaning.  Either way it is nice to see her take pride in her room and our home.

Isabelle has done so much.  Learning to belly laugh and roll over.  She is working very hard at sitting up.  She goes a little longer everyday.  Soon I will be able to just sit her down.  She is eating solid foods very well.  She actually eats and even enjoys baby oatmeal with juice- pear is her favorite.  She is perfect in every way.  I am so lucky to have such a good natured baby.

I have been running more.  I finished my first quilt with a lot of help and am working on my second quilt, with a lot of help.  I am now Abby's soccer coach.  That is interesting.  I have great hope.  Mostly my days are full of mothering.

Adam goes to school and church.  In his spare time he plays with the kids.  

New Years Resolutions

What?  New Years Resolutions?  What?  I know that it is half way through February.  Clearly timely recording is not one of my resolutions.  I have however had these goals in mind for quite some time.  Now it is time to commit.  Part of my hesitancy is that they are so personal.  So personal.

So my first resolution is to be a better wife.    Every few years I try to challenge myself this way.  Being a better wife sounds a lot like being a better human being.  So vague.  I recently read a talk by President Hinckley called "Forgiveness".  He talked about spouses who nag and harrass over small things.  I also read a post by Kristin Armstrong called "Talk Nice" about talking nicely about ourselves and those around us.  That's as deep as I'll go here.  Like I said, it is pretty personal.

So my next resolution is to gain a stronger knowledge and testimony of the prophet Joseph Smith. 

My third resolution is to get a PR on a 5k.  By the end of the year I want to comfortably run a sub 27 min 5k.   I may challenge myself more, but for now this is my goal.  I've signed up for a 5k in May.  If I don't do it there then I will have several options throughout the year.  There is a 10 or 10 that I want to run the Saturday before Father's Day that I will do if I get my 5k goal in May.  I really want to try for the 10 miler, but that requires a time commitment that I'm really unsure about.  I may just have to focus on speed this year. 

Three Kids

It seems like there are a million things I want to write about.  My new years resolutions, my kids, thoughts about spirituality, running...so much.  I think I will write about three kids today.


One of the most terrifying things about being pregnant again was the simple fact that I would have three kids.  For months I begged advice and stories and ideas from mommies of three plus.  None of it was terribly encouraging. 

First of all, I absolutely love my baby girl, my little boy, and my energetic kindergartener.  Each of them individually are wonderful and even well behaved.  Even paired with one another isn't so bad.  But the three together, well the highs are higher and the lows are so much lower. 
Screaming in stereo was bad with two, but three?  Deafness has already set in.  Three kids to clean up after?  Three different age groups to entertain?  AAAAAGGGG

Three fast asleep kids?  Three laughing playing kids?  Three kids listening intently to a story?  Three kids bowing their heads queitly during a prayer?  It's a piece- a small sliver- of heaven in my home.  There are clear moments of joy that carry me through the hours,even days, of hard work.  Isabelle laughing, smiling. Josh saying a prayer.  Abby telling me about her day. 

It's making those moments happen more often that I am trying to accomplish.  They seem to come and go without any predictability.  This is the hardest lesson of motherhood. To just enjoy the moments of heaven without pouring over how to recreate them.  Because in all honesty I have replicated exactly certains days of my life all with different outcomes. I think the key is being open to the possibility of a good time when it rolls along. 
Siezing the day.
So three kids right now is challenging, but rewarding.  It is an amplified state of where I was.   

Leaving Ur

leaving ur

I read this article by Kristin Armstrong (one of my favorite bloggers).  I thought about my own Ur.  In some very tangible ways I feel like I have left Ur.  I live in Ohio thousands of miles from my Texas home, with only new friends to greet us.  We live literally every year differently and without knowledge of where we are going to live and when we will get there or how it will all happen.  The constant that is most important is trusting the Lord.

I still find it difficult to always trust that this is right.  That HOW we are doing it is right.  That WHERE we are is right.  I find myself in need of a lot or reassurance.  This is new to me and my husband.  No one is really mentoring us through this  process.  We are guided by God, I believe, but not really any one person here on earth.  Don't get me wrong, we have some fantastic cheerleaders, but for them this is new too.

tangent:  When I think about our journey here it helps me feel compassionate towards other people who venture out beyond the landscapes that their families have already made.  I often hear about welfare recipients and why don't they do more for themselves.  Or children of High School dropouts.  These are people at the bottom of the wrung.  Who seemingly don't do the basic civility of providing for themselves and bettering their situation so that they can provide for themselves.. 


 It's scary and hard and most importantly unknown.  


Forging the path is difficult when no one is there holding your hand through it.  There is so much that I hope to pass on to our children that will make their journey easier.  Conversely we have struggled so much where others glide by and that alone has granted us trouble.  I can see now why more poverty stricken people don't change their situation.  Not because it is comfortable but because it is known.  
End Tangent


In other ways, much more private ways, I still need to heed that call to pack up and leave.  Again it is hard but mostly unknown.  It requires more than measurable trust and almost equal work.  Being the mother of three has rocked my world.  Having a husband that is gone at school or church is painstaking.  Doing it without family brings me to a place I have never before known.

But God has provided.  He has provided the friends that are my Ohio family.  He has proven His trustworthiness.  He has given me strength to do the work.  And he leads me ever on.  I just hope that I continue to have the faith to follow.

Isabelle

I made this picture extra large so you could tell that I put brush strokes on it.  Anyway I've been having fun with photo shop.  There's so much more to post.  So many ups and downs.  Just need to get to it.