Congratulations BECCA!!!

Whoohoooo! You did it! You finished a marathon! You officially joined 1% of the population (or something like that). All of your hard work for the LAST YEAR has paid off. You couldn't be a better example. Now I need to tell you how incredibly sorry I am that I was not there at the finish line to greet you. Just like last night at UNO's Josh screamed and screamed this morning. I'm not sure exactly what is causing him such intense and prolonged pain. I even got him into the car seat but if you could have heard his intense wails of protest your will would have faltered too. Abby says congratulations too. And trust me she is highly disappointed about not being there too. We were there in spirit for what it is worth. Congratulations sister, you did awesome!

White Bread

Lately I have had an intense desire to eat white bread. For a few nights I have been having white bread for dessert. I remember in High School when I thought that white bread was just bread. No color. Just bread. And that bread was good for you. It was one of life's simple pleasures. A food that tasted good that was good for you. Even though I have been eating ONLY wheat bread for atleast one year, possibly longer, I still want white bread. I have tried to become a die hard fanatic of wheat bread. I have tried all the wheat breads and tried really really hard to prefer them. But in the end my taste buds revert and long for the days when bread was just bread. And bread, just bread, was good for you.
I have found that going to all wheat bread that I simply consume less bread. A sandwich is no longer as appealing. I would rather cook pasta than have a quick sandwich. And I do not cook with all wheat pasta. So then by eating the white pasta instead of the wheat sandwich I am losing the point. Anyway I guess that this post is here for those of you who have a strong conviction about wheat bread to voice it. Please convince me not to go to the store and soil my innards with white bread from here on out. Please tantalize my taste buds with thoughts of delicious wheat bread. I want to be healthy. But I also want to eat white bread.

At the end of the day it amounts to stress management

I'm starting to really feel it now. Ironically this picture shows a lot of it. I noticed that I have an urgent and insatiable desire for chocolate. And ofcourse like all unnecessary things it fails to satisfy. And like all people when you aren't satisfied then you think that you need more. So the chocolate cycle goes.
Abby has been on some sort of incredible good behavior strike. If I thought motherhood was hard before I was wrong. The last few days I could swear that Abby has, at points, stripped off her angelic face to rear her true demon head. I've tried to look for rational explanations but none seemed to fit. Then last night the culprit came to view. At 11 pm she woke up crying with a fever. She said her throat hurt and upon closer examination today her throat was quite swollen. I thought strep throat but it turned out to be a nasty ear infection. And it looked as though our doctor had had quite a day and in the nicest way he could he said that we should be looking for signs of the flu as well. Apparently our area is hit really bad this year. Bad year to skip the flu shot.
The car situation is taking its toll as well. It seems as though everyday brings on a new crisis. Yesterday Enterprise called to inform me that we were $250 over our $750 max with Geico. I was shocked since I had only been in the car for a few hours. After about 1 1/2 hours of telephone tag I finally figured out that Enterprise had made a clerical mistake. But everyday there seems to be some sort of occurance. We decided to go ahead and file through Geico, our insurance. USAA drastically underestimated the value of our car. They offered us nearly $1000 less than the KBB price. On top of that I have found their adjustors to be rude and try to blame their lack of organization on me. I got really fed up with the lectures and being put off. Geico came within $200 of our KBB and coincidentally the amount of the loan we have left to pay off. And for the most part, so far, they have been really on the ball. Now I just have to wait for the medical bills to come piling in.
Finding a new van has been an extremely loathesome process. There are no dealerships close by with either a Toyota or a Honda. Or really any van. They can only try to sell me vans that are more than $5,000 over my price limit. So I am having to drive out to Irving, Arlington, and Fort Worth. So far all of my trips have been in vain. One van had a broken A/C unit- a no sell in Texas. Another one was filthy and had the interior ripped up and had a VCR unit built in. I don't necessarilly look for any kind of built in entertainment center but I certainly don't want a huge useless (to me) VCR taking up precious space. Adam went to try and see one today on his lunch break and was led on a wild goose hunt around Arlington to figure out where the owner's wife had driven it too. I still haven't found out how that went, or ended. I have 3 appointments set up for tomorrow to see some vans. I hope that one of them will be a good deal. I hope that we will be able to buy a van this week.
Another really stressful point of this week is that Adam was released as the Executive Secretary and put in as the Young Men's president. The forboding omen? He went to a meeting on Sunday that was supposed to last for about 45 minutes. It lasted for 3 hours. This also means that he has been and will be gone every night this week. I am holding out hope for Thursday night.
Maybe incidental to all that is going on I have this draining sense of doom. I keep waiting for something totally catastrophic to happen. It just feels like all of this is leading up to something...

My Functional Body

Lately I have had to remind myself a lot that it is not how I look that matters to me as much as what my body can do. Thinking about my body that way is a lot better than thinking about it in terms of numbers. I find myself thinking things like "I will be happy when I am a single digit size" or "I will be happy when there are no (put a number here) in my weight". I also catch myself looking in the mirror and contemplating where things are and where they ought to be. But when I look at other people I tend to consider more about what their bodies can do than what they look like. At the gym I noticed that I didn't tell myself I wanted to look like the rail thin chemical blonde girl, I wanted to be like the girl that was kicking butt on the treadmill or intimidating the male loungers with her weight lifting skills. That is what is more important.
When I look at old people and what makes aging better it becomes all about function. I hear a lot of older people talking in the terms of what they used to do and how they can no longer do it. Then there is a whole different class of old people who defy odds and are still doing it. The key I think is to never stop. Another key is to focus more on function than looks. Which is where I struggle somewhat. Like I said at the beginning I feel myself gravitating more towards numbers and looks than function. If I keep my physical goals about function than I have a true goal. An achievable goal, whereas my weight naturally shifts and alters throughout the day, week, month and even year despite what I may be doing. My genetics control a lot of what clothes I can and cannot wear. But I can control what my body can and cannot do. I just need to remember that the gravitational pull on my body is not my problem. My problem is increasing the function of my body.

Lots of stuff

Lots of stuff has happened to us in the last week and a half since I last posted. We got sick which prompted a doctor's visit. Abby was up for 2 nights in a row coughing and coughing and coughing. Then she would cough until she barfed. Which is gross. So I finally took her to the doctor for her nagging cough that she has had on and off for the last year. I was fairly certain the doctor was going to say "Gee, that's too bad. Go home". Luckily Abby was coughing and hacking and carrying on for the doctor. Turned out to be asthma. Learned that it is not cool to give Albuterol at 4:30 am unless you plan on staying up. Got another cold. All of us. Gave Abby Advil at 4:30 am. Learned that she will barf that up too if you don't give her something to eat with it.
Learned that I cannot keep up with laundry on weeks like these.
Learned that when an insurance agent says "tomorrow" it actually means "in a week". Translate this conversation. "The total loss insurance adjuster will call you tomorrow. In another day or two after that he will issue you a check and you will have to give up the rental car. So you should probably purchase a car this weekend." So if I buy a car this weekend I will own it and have a rental for about three weeks right? I think I will wait until I hear that the check is in the mail.

Goodbye Van

This is a picture of my thumb post accident. On Saturday I was taking advantage of some sales that were occurring over the weekend. I had left Josh and Abby at home with Adam. I just did not want to take them with. I felt so strongly in fact I had decided that if I had to take them with I just would not go. But Josh fell asleep and Abby was happy to stay with Adam so I left. First I went to Target to pick up some things. Then I left the parking lot and headed toward Albertson's. As I turned out of the parking lot and proceeded into the intersection directly outside the shopping center I saw a truck coming at me. It happened that quick. Everything went dark and I could hear the crashing sound and my body flopping around like a ragdoll. Immediately after that my air bag deflated and I watched the truck crash into another stopped vehicle. I could see that the driver was passed out and I heard her sister shouting that she thought that she was dead. I instinctively looked back and saw that my children were not in the car and thanked God right there for that incredible blessing. When I looked back the driver of the vehicle that hit me, a young girl, was alert and in fact getting out of her car. I was unable to get out of my car because the door was pinned shut. I got my phone out and dialed 911 and they informed me that the accident was already reported. I looked in my review mirror and saw an ambulance. I thought that that was really weird. I think that it was at this point I called Adam. They came to my door and got me to the other less damaged side of my van but wouldn't let me out. My thumb was really nasty looking and I could already feel that I had whip lash. The paramedics were from Keller and happened to come right up on the accident almost immediately after it had happened. The 911 operator had been talking about dispatching a different ambulance. The Keller paramedics assisted me until the North Richland Hills PD and ambulance had arrived. Then I was carted of to North Hills Hospital to get X-Rays of my thumb. Although it is not broken it is sprained and hurts REALLY bad. Probably the most disheartening thing of it all is the almost imminent death of my van. Dad and Adam got there really quick (thanks guys) and told me later that it is very unlikely that they will fix my van. I have begun the arduous task of dealing with insurance companies. The young 16 year old girl that hit me is claiming to have had a protected left but there are witnesses that state that I had a green light. This means there will be some sort of investigation. Hopefully I will have a rental car tomorrow. And a check for a new van shortly thereafter. Hopefully. Prayerfully. It is unlikely that we will find such an awesome deal again although we are looking. Still we only had 3 years left to pay on this van. And I loved that van. A lot. Most favorite vehicle of mine. I feel incredibly blessed that I was the ONLY person in the van. Abby is already freaked out without having been in the accident. She and Josh would have probably been injured. That keeps up at night and off the roads during the day.

FOR CONNOR

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