I keep going back and forth about being induced. It is so tempting to give this little guy an eviction notice. On the other hand all of the complications strike a very deep fear with me. My worst fear, next to death, is a c-section. Not because of any natural cord or a need to do it all on my own. This is a two part fear. #1 Surgery is scary and I really dislike the idea of somebody pulling out and then putting back my intestines. I hear that they never quite go back to how they were before, you know. #2 It seems like a c-section would be the most expensive way to have a baby. Inducing is also more expensive than just letting the kid come out. And there are all sorts of complications, a handful of which I have experienced already. But I also really want this kid out. If I let him induce me then I will push out a smaller baby. He might be here sooner. I can plan for a babysitter for Abby. I can make sure that all of my laundry is done and that everything upstairs is how I want it when I come home...So far all that I have decided is to ask Dr Wai to strip my membranes as soon as possible.
Dr Wai keeps filling my head with fairytales that second births are easier. I don't know. Maybe in general, but my body doesn't operate according to norms. It kind of has its own ideas. I fully expect this birth to be hard and brutal. I think that everytime I give birth I will feel like I am risking my life. I also expect to fight, really fight, to loose every pound I have gained. For some reason my body clings onto things like the "weight of the placenta" and the "weight of the extra blood" even the "weight of the baby" like it is really "weight of the extra jiggly fat that takes multiple physical workouts that rivals an a-bomb to remove 1/2 lb". At least I am prepared to make that battle. Last time I waited six months for the miracle of breast feeding to set in. Ha ha.
So also I am very grouchy. Everyday I feel like my period is going to start but it doesn't. Everyday I feel swollen and crampy and moody. I feel like subjecting people to my mood is probably torture. I have very little cheeriness to expend. Right now I am saving it all up to teach preschool tomorrow.
6 comments:
I had a C-section and, maybe it was just because I had an awesome doctor, but I felt like it went really well. Nothing felt strange afterwards, my scar wasn't very bad. It was really, really easy compared to doing it naturally. The only bad thing is the cost, of course. Anyway, I know it doesn't help so much to allay your fears... but it's really not all that bad.
Biffy, relax. Think about all the things you need/want to get done before the little guy makes his entrance. Get them all completed, take some serious time for YOURSELF, then decide if you are ready to evict him. Remember what it's like to be up all night, nursing, changing diapers, then up all day, nursing, changing diapers. Picture a major blow-out, you want to rush into that again? You can wait, eh? Remember also that your dr. over-estimated Heather's baby by a pound and a half. Breathe, girlie!
Let it go. Don't even think about the delivery. What happens will happen. Worring about it now will not change what happens. You like running. Enjoy the process of losing weight and watching your run time shrink as well. Let God take all your burden. Things tend to go better when he has it. He handles it better. Go read Psalms 55:22 then take a giant bath in mom's tub and let the bubbles in.
He UNDERESTIMATED Heather's baby by 1 1/2 lbs.
Yeah, that's what I meant
Biffy, I just want you to know that I surely understand fully what you are going through. To this day I look at everything that happened with Kevin's birth and wonder if I should have chosen to be induced earlier than I was. In this situation, looking back is not 20/20 for me. To this day I do not have an answer. I can tell you that I received blessings to help make my decisions -and they did help. They gave me peace of mind to know that everything would work out. And you know? In the long run, everything did =). Wellll.....except for the twitch I have when it rains and the intermittent yelling in my sleep that Gabe has to put up with.... =) JUST KIDDING =). I love you, and we pray for you every night. I hope you had a good day today =).
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