New Years Resolutions

What?  New Years Resolutions?  What?  I know that it is half way through February.  Clearly timely recording is not one of my resolutions.  I have however had these goals in mind for quite some time.  Now it is time to commit.  Part of my hesitancy is that they are so personal.  So personal.

So my first resolution is to be a better wife.    Every few years I try to challenge myself this way.  Being a better wife sounds a lot like being a better human being.  So vague.  I recently read a talk by President Hinckley called "Forgiveness".  He talked about spouses who nag and harrass over small things.  I also read a post by Kristin Armstrong called "Talk Nice" about talking nicely about ourselves and those around us.  That's as deep as I'll go here.  Like I said, it is pretty personal.

So my next resolution is to gain a stronger knowledge and testimony of the prophet Joseph Smith. 

My third resolution is to get a PR on a 5k.  By the end of the year I want to comfortably run a sub 27 min 5k.   I may challenge myself more, but for now this is my goal.  I've signed up for a 5k in May.  If I don't do it there then I will have several options throughout the year.  There is a 10 or 10 that I want to run the Saturday before Father's Day that I will do if I get my 5k goal in May.  I really want to try for the 10 miler, but that requires a time commitment that I'm really unsure about.  I may just have to focus on speed this year. 

Three Kids

It seems like there are a million things I want to write about.  My new years resolutions, my kids, thoughts about spirituality, running...so much.  I think I will write about three kids today.


One of the most terrifying things about being pregnant again was the simple fact that I would have three kids.  For months I begged advice and stories and ideas from mommies of three plus.  None of it was terribly encouraging. 

First of all, I absolutely love my baby girl, my little boy, and my energetic kindergartener.  Each of them individually are wonderful and even well behaved.  Even paired with one another isn't so bad.  But the three together, well the highs are higher and the lows are so much lower. 
Screaming in stereo was bad with two, but three?  Deafness has already set in.  Three kids to clean up after?  Three different age groups to entertain?  AAAAAGGGG

Three fast asleep kids?  Three laughing playing kids?  Three kids listening intently to a story?  Three kids bowing their heads queitly during a prayer?  It's a piece- a small sliver- of heaven in my home.  There are clear moments of joy that carry me through the hours,even days, of hard work.  Isabelle laughing, smiling. Josh saying a prayer.  Abby telling me about her day. 

It's making those moments happen more often that I am trying to accomplish.  They seem to come and go without any predictability.  This is the hardest lesson of motherhood. To just enjoy the moments of heaven without pouring over how to recreate them.  Because in all honesty I have replicated exactly certains days of my life all with different outcomes. I think the key is being open to the possibility of a good time when it rolls along. 
Siezing the day.
So three kids right now is challenging, but rewarding.  It is an amplified state of where I was.   

Leaving Ur

leaving ur

I read this article by Kristin Armstrong (one of my favorite bloggers).  I thought about my own Ur.  In some very tangible ways I feel like I have left Ur.  I live in Ohio thousands of miles from my Texas home, with only new friends to greet us.  We live literally every year differently and without knowledge of where we are going to live and when we will get there or how it will all happen.  The constant that is most important is trusting the Lord.

I still find it difficult to always trust that this is right.  That HOW we are doing it is right.  That WHERE we are is right.  I find myself in need of a lot or reassurance.  This is new to me and my husband.  No one is really mentoring us through this  process.  We are guided by God, I believe, but not really any one person here on earth.  Don't get me wrong, we have some fantastic cheerleaders, but for them this is new too.

tangent:  When I think about our journey here it helps me feel compassionate towards other people who venture out beyond the landscapes that their families have already made.  I often hear about welfare recipients and why don't they do more for themselves.  Or children of High School dropouts.  These are people at the bottom of the wrung.  Who seemingly don't do the basic civility of providing for themselves and bettering their situation so that they can provide for themselves.. 


 It's scary and hard and most importantly unknown.  


Forging the path is difficult when no one is there holding your hand through it.  There is so much that I hope to pass on to our children that will make their journey easier.  Conversely we have struggled so much where others glide by and that alone has granted us trouble.  I can see now why more poverty stricken people don't change their situation.  Not because it is comfortable but because it is known.  
End Tangent


In other ways, much more private ways, I still need to heed that call to pack up and leave.  Again it is hard but mostly unknown.  It requires more than measurable trust and almost equal work.  Being the mother of three has rocked my world.  Having a husband that is gone at school or church is painstaking.  Doing it without family brings me to a place I have never before known.

But God has provided.  He has provided the friends that are my Ohio family.  He has proven His trustworthiness.  He has given me strength to do the work.  And he leads me ever on.  I just hope that I continue to have the faith to follow.

Isabelle

I made this picture extra large so you could tell that I put brush strokes on it.  Anyway I've been having fun with photo shop.  There's so much more to post.  So many ups and downs.  Just need to get to it.