Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Dear December,

So much is happening!  We went to TX for a whirlwind trip.  Adam's parents finally got to meet, hold and bond with Isabelle.  As they always hoped, my children are very entrenched in the cupcake/cookie tradition.  Everytime they see Meme and Granddad they are given their choice of a cookie/cupcake and a beverage.  Since we saw them everyday of our trip we had lots of cupcakes and cookies!

I got to spend valuable time with my sister and her kids.  I love them so much!  We played and played and ate. and played. 

I also got to see my mom and had lunch with Dad.  It was so nice to stay at their house and see them.  Their house is crazy right now.  I hope the next time I visit that we will have more energy to spend time together.

We came back just in time for Christmas Eve and Christmas and birthday parties and dog sitting and working.   And now cleaning.  So much in such a small amount of time.  

We carved out a day to relax yesterday.  Santa brought me a bike and God made me a day in December to use it.  And so we all went for a bike ride.  Yesterday it was bright and sunny and in the mid 40's.  Today it is snowing.  I feel shear gratitude that we had yesterday and that we used it to relax.  Because here we go.  It's the end of December.


A Girl Born in November  

Friday, December 9, 2011


My neighbor passed away suddenly last Sunday.  She wasn't outwardly sick.  In fact she didn't feel ill until a day or two before she died.  Then on Sunday, she died.

Ingrid was the first neighbor I met here.  She was colorful and nice.  She immediately helped me get my yard together.  She encouraged me to get the dead tree out of my yard.  A lot.  She lent me tools and good advice about how to get rid of weeds.

She admired my kids.  And was nice to them.  Every Halloween she made a special goody bag for them, which they loved.  It included special German candy, since that was her first home.

She always smiled and waved.  Sometimes she would walk across the street to talk to us.  And sometimes we would walk across the street to her.

I looked for her and liked her.  And now I miss her.

I am sad that her family is there sifting through her stuff.  They leave a light on, but I still know that the house is vacant.  They are heartbroken. And I am heartbroken for them.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


I'm up and then I'm down.  It's true for several facets of my life.  It seems like I should be about ready to get out of this phase I assocaite with the first year of a baby's life.  The actuality of being able to leave for short periods of time to workout, and then they get sick/have a growth spurt/are going to do something cute you don't want to miss and so you don't leave them.  And then they get better, plateau, accomplish their task and off you go.

Then there's hormones.  You make estrogen and then you don't and then the baby starts to wean and then they don't.  And sleep.  You don't and then you do and then you don't.  And then you don't.  I go through spurts where doing housework is relieving and a good way to wind down, or get a sense of accomplishment.   And then the other times where it is so mundane and repetitive that I just don't care.

I'm ready to move into that stabilizing phase.  Where our routine lasts for more than a few unstable weeks.  I know that craving this during Christmas season is going to require added measure of patience.  But I'm ready.  I'm ready when it comes. 

Thursday, December 1, 2011

December? December!

Dear December,

You caught me by surprise!  I was so into November that I nearly missed you.  I turned 31 in November, something which warrants it's own post-one that has already been started but not finished.  And that my friend is what November was- a BUNCH of unfinished ends.

Josh got his first real black eye on "Black Friday".  It was a baddie.  We also named his feet George and Paul.  He didn't use diapers and then he did and now he doesn't.  He pooped on the potty but that is going to take sometime to master.

Isabelle revived her iron levels and is once again the happiest tiniest baby on the block.  She says a handful of words "Uh ho"  "Ya"  "Mama" "Dada"  "Abby".  She is transitioning out of two naps a day.  Which is bittersweet.

Abby knows how to read everything.  She is really starting to comprehend what she reads as well.  Her tooth is so loose that she could pluck it out of her head if she weren't terrified of loosing it.  She is growing up.

As with everything else, I need to catch up!

A Girl Born in November

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Josh in November

Dear November

You have been great really. We visited Patterson Farms and had a great time. The weather has been ideal and the colors youake are amazing.

But let's talk about my son Josh for a minute. You see it was Octobers job to potty train him and make him a little calmer. But something didn't stick. Remember how hard of a job October had. It had so much! And now work has spilled over.

Josh put several attachments to a screwdriver set, a measuring spoon, and a home teaching sheet into his favorite juice. In fact the only juice left in the house. He then dumped put all of Abby's candy on his bedroom floor and peed on the stairs while I was in the shower.

Church was no better. Beyond his normal restlessness he decided to parade me around like a Luchadore sprinting and wrestling him to the ground. He dumped crayons, beat up
His sisters and full on screamed during the service.

If this was not enough he really went for it after church. At first he simply flitted from area to area making mess upon mess. He sugared himself up with sugary treats galore (certainly pilfered from his sisters stash) and then quietly slipped himself into the bathroom to "make bubbles" by pour my hand soap down the drain and running water over it.

Relieved by this break I decided to show him how to play with the water without angering his mother. I plugged the sink and filled it half full of water adding just a few squirts of soap and let him splash around. I then left to finish making dinner.

Josh was entranced and for the moment I felt the days "activities" winding down.

Until I noticed water dripping out of the kitchens light fixture.

Adam, downstairs with Abby, heard only my emergent cries and the stampede of his frantic wife up the stairs. I was unplugging the drain and stopping the water. Also I was trying not to be angry with a very confused Josh. He was slightly alarmed and beginning to panic when I found him.

My reaction did not calm him down.

The waterfall in the kitchen however did.

Shall I continue on about how din we and home teaching went? No. You were there witnessing it with me.

Please November show mercy where October didn't.


A Girl Born in November

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The return of blOgging

Dear November

Please show mercy everywhere that October did


A Girl Born in November

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Josh's Surgery

Josh had surgery a week ago on Monday.  He had his tonsils and adenoids removed.  It was so sad to see him go to surgery.  He fought the whole way!  He refused to wear the hospitals pajamas and socks, preferring to be 'naked'.  The doctor told us it was a really good decision to have them removed because upon physical examination they were much larger than he expected-a 4.  They were blocking about 90% of his airway.  He had a reaction to the anestesia-he turned red like a lobster for about an hour.  Painless (assuming that the morphine wasn't counteracting any pain from the rash) though.  He looked like hell for the day and has been getting better.  Nights are still unbearably rough with him, but it will get better.  We are sure.  His little voice has changed a lot.  It would be nice if he would take medicine without such a fight.  Even when he is shaking from pain he still tries to fight it.  Silly boy.  

Saturday, August 20, 2011

more Pictures

Daddy and Isabelle at Joseph Smith's home in Palyra NY
 Patterson Farms October 2010
 Josh in Bucket August 2011
Steers and Sneaky Josh August 2011 
Rocky River Reservation

Squashy Joshy chachi

I was just thinking today about how fat Josh used to be.  This is him almost exactly a year ago!  So cute!  I love this little boy.  Here is a picture of another little boy I love.  I had fun playing with this picture in my editor.  He is holding my favorite little boy at the church's Kirtland site in the saw mill.  So Cute!!!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

To a New Beginning

I am so excited for school to start and not because Abby is leaving.  I am excited for the new beginning.  I am excited for the new routine-ahhh blessed routine.  I am excited to enjoy new friendships and rekindle old friendships.  I am excited for a long and healing fall.  I am excited to have some reason to say that we can start over and bring out fresh crayons and fresh perspectives.  I am ready to let go of old weighty things and start floating.  

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Abby's Kindergarten Graduation and Isabelle Growing Up

This week we passed two milestones.  Abby graduated from Kindergarten.  I have better pictures that I will post later-we mostly took video of her singing cute kindergarten songs.  She was so sweet.  It is a little weird that she had her ceremony a week before school ends.  I know.  I can't believe that she is so grown up!  I really love who she is becoming.  She is helpful and thoughtful. She is funny and the perfect 5 year old.

Isabelle is 7 months old.  This week she decided that she would be able to go all the way from laying flat to sitting up to standing up on her own.  This has lead to some disastrous, although not discouraging, falls.  Like off the bed.  She can crawl any and all pillow mountains without thought of what might be beyond them.  We are pulling out the crib this week to prevent further falling and give her a safe space to be.  She is eating macaroni and cheese and cookies with her little gums.  No teeth in sight yet!  At the rate she is going I wouldn't be surprised if she walks by 8 months.  : (  I really like this stage but she is already pushing off my lap like she could just walk away.

Josh.  Oh Josh.  He has had a CT scan of his little head to see if he needs any kind of surgery for sinus polyps or adenoids.  I am still debating about scheduling a sleep study although I think he would probably benefit from it.  He woke up 4 times last night.  Which makes cranky parents.  I am kind of waiting to have Abby finish up with school.

Our days are already filling up with bike rides and park days.  It is really nice to be outside so much. 

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Race Day

We ran the Cleveland Rite Aid 5k again this year.  I ran the 5k with Courtney.  She kicked my butt.  She is a speedy devil.  I did not make my New Years Goal so I will try again later this year.  I still did better than last year though-  I averaged 9:20min/mile inspite of that all too common runner's ailment that causes you to have problems in the middle of a race and then again after the race.  Stories that are usually told to only other runners.  
Abby ran the kids race.  Josh made his first attempt.  They both got medals and 'presents' as they called them.   Abby actually ran, while Josh cried and had Adam carry him.  It was pretty cool because they held the race on the Brown's Stadium Field.  It was raining, or rather misting the whole time.  Just like always.  Sometimes I think that I must live in Washington.  
It was a great time and I am excited to run this race again.  And to race again.

The End is Near

A week ago I had the opportunity to watch a group of little kids while their parents went to their OCPM graduation ceremony.  It was different than previous graduations because I knew these people.  Almost everyone is leaving the state.  And most of them are doing it for good.  It is odd to view their drama, one that unfolds so publicly.  For several of them it was the last time that they would go to our church building.  Their families were there and they were able to share some of the memories made here.  Watching their end, and subsequent beginning, made me think of our own impending end and new beginning.

It also made me think of my last ending.  We left Texas nearly two years ago.  I remember that day, taking a picture that isn't even on this computer(we got this computer after we moved here in 2009), to document our last time living at my parents house.  We stood right outside the tree in the front yard.  My dad took the picture.  I still feel sad that I don't get to wander back to his office and ask him if we can go to lunch.  Or offer him some toast and eggs for breakfast.  Or tell him he has to eat vegetables at dinner time.

I remember marking the end of the street, which I had run literally hundreds of times on hot, humid Texas mornings.  I remember passing the grocery stores where I learned how to coupon.  I remember leaving Dallas, and then Texas.  And that was my end.  The border of Texas.  It was still hot, but not Texas hot.  And Texas was no longer home.

Home was somewhere new.  A place I didn't know yet.  A place without memories or family or friends.  When we got here we were so blessed to have half the ward come and move us in.  We nestled into our first house, our first house that we own.  And started making it our home.

And just two short years later I am looking forward and planning how we are going to move out.  I am already nervous to put it on the market and look around and making lists and checking things off of things that we need to do.  I guess when you know that you aren't going to be somewhere for a long time it is hard to really settle.  It's more like recovery time before you next sprint.  

Sunday, May 8, 2011


Last week the challenges piled up.  And I was weighed down.  My husband, in spite of his heavy and arduous load (it was the beginning of a grueling test week) came home just long enough for me to take a quick run.  I ran out, heavy and burdened.  As my focus shifted from every other role I was juggling to runner I was able to look up and see the beautiful sunset.  I was able to breathe in the comfortable air and the sweet smell of mowed lawns.  I thought about the ways I challenged myself and how I want to put in more miles.  I genuinely want to run more.

Then I began to think about children, because I am a mom.  And no matter what or where we are the hardest thing to do is to not think about your children.  The thought occurred to me that children are a lot like miles.  Some people can't imagine one.  Others are happy to have two.  Some like three.  It is comfortable and there are lots of other people who do three.  It's a nice stopping point, long enough for a race but short enough to eat before you head out.  There are still others who dream of six or ten or twenty six or fifty.  Some don't ever want to stop.

Some feel like each one is a gift from God and can cherish and enjoy each one as they are given.  Some physically can't have one even though it is all they have dreamed of.  Other's struggle with one or two.  Some are easy and some are hard.  Some make you mad when they don't go quite as you planned.  Some make you crazy with all of their ups and downs.  Some make you cry.  Some make you laugh.  Some make you suffer, but also make you feel like you grew in the end.  Really each one is different, unique in the way that you handle them and the way they make you feel.  Some are so bad that you swear you will never do it again.  Others are so good you swear you could keep going forever.

The way I saw it that evening was insightful.  I'm not really sure where I fit in the whole scheme of it all, but I do very much feel that miles and children are the same.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Running in The Rain

It has been nothing short of wet here in Ohio.  While my home in Texas is experiencing a drought and wild fires I am fighting off a moldy and damp basement, a swamp like backyard and rain.  Lots of rain.

If I wait for a dry day then I will never get to run outside.  So here I am braving a sometimes chilly often muddy run.  At first it was weird and the girl inside me was scream "ick" and "my hair will be ruined!" everytime a drop of rain or splatter of mud graced my presence.  But over the last month I have come to love a good sweaty run in the rain.

Today I ran a hilly course.  It was muddy too.  Very muddy.  I was so glad for the cloud cover and the few blessed drops of rain that aided my tomato red sweaty face.  I kicked mud up my legs and even slid a little down the hill.  Totally satisfying.  Nothing like a little dirt to prove that you worked hard and had a good time all in the same moment.  

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Being Present

Lately I have found my self adrift in my own mental ocean.  It's as if I am stranded there on a raft without a paddle meandering through the waves of whatever happens by.  If I do happen to focus and pay attention I get mental whiplash from the shock of actually paying attention, that and because of my absentmindedness it is usually something alarming that catches my attention.

Don't get me wrong-none of my children have recently gone to the E.R. or even required band aids from this.  It's just that my mind is going so often in so many radical directions that no one thing has had my attention for more than a few minutes.  I find myself bumping into thoughts of a show watched days ago while crashing through weekend plans.  That sort of thing.

In Yoga the last pose is all about being present, take that back.  The whole class is about being present but the last pose is an exercise to be fully present in just that moment.  To give yourself and that time all of your attention.  Thinking about breathing and feeling and living.  Not dishes, diapers or delivering.  Not kids, candies, or cleaning.  Just breathing.

I need to do more of just breathing and feeling in the moment.  I need to turn of the distractions both mental and electrical.  And just breath. 

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


I have been reading Kristin Armstrong's "26.2 Reasons Women Run".  It is wonderful!  She is one of my favorite bloggers and this book is a compilation of her blog posts. One of the chapters in her book is dedicated to purpose.  I really like the way she worded her idea of purpose (p168).
Just like an interrupting child, your purpose will poke at you relentlessly until you turn and give it some attention.  I've written before on this subject, about women who say they were "born to be a mother" or "meant to be a wife".  To that I reply, "Of course you were; you have a uterus and a ring finger. But those are your roles, not your purpose." And that distinction is important because a purpose is a higher, broader calling than a role.  But together, the culmination of our roles and our purpose becomes our life and, eventually, our legacy.

This paragraph hasn't left my mind since I read it over a week ago.  In the last few months I have felt myself defining myself in terms of mother only.  I have had a difficult time transitioning from mother to wife or mother to friend or mother to coach or mother to Elizabeth or mother to runner or mother to crafter or mother to homemaker.  I know that a large part of this is because I am a new mother for the third time.  A large part of my time and energy goes toward sustaining the life of four other people.  But as I have let this happen I begun to loose touch with the other parts of me.  A purpose would help me feel more in touch, more focused, more energized.

I took this idea with me to the temple on Friday.  I wanted a clearly defined purpose.  Ironically I really didn't have much searching to do.  I have been lead back to it time and time again, and there it is staring me in the face.  I really feel like my purpose isn't too far from where I am at now, but that it will grow and transform as I do.  The impression I felt was the same when I searched for a major it is to "strengthen home and family".

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Mercy and Motherhood

Since becoming a mother my perspective on a lot of principles have changed.  As a child mercy meant forgiving me and letting me out of a punishment.  As a high schooler it meant mom would stay up to put my clothes in the dryer for me.  In college it meant an extra day to do an assignment.  I was comfortable with mercy.

Now mercy is different.  As a mother it no longer means that my heavy burden will be taken from me.  It no longer means that the stretch and pain of growth is eliminated or that responsibilities are temporarily lifted.  The dishes are not magically done, my clothes are not dried when I am too tired to do it, the kids are not extra good because I am extra tired, my pre-pregnancy clothes don't fit just because I had the baby.  Mercy comes to me more in the way of opportunity.

My husband will have the opportunity to work over time on a busy night for me. Both kids will take a nap just in time for me to mop the floor or fix an early dinner. The forecast will clear enough that I can still go for a run.  I will gather the energy to finish my day from some unknown reservoir.  A sick child will be better in time for us to attend a social function.

Mercy also allows me a second chance to get it right.  My children are always allowing me this mercy.  They are so good at forgiving and understanding.  They let me try to make it right and then they let the rest go.  This is the sweetest mercy, a second chance.

Mercy no longer avoids work or growth or growing pains.  Instead it gives me opportunities to become better, to do more, to fulfill responsibility.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


Today we tasted summer.  It was nice after such a long and cold winter.  We took Isabelle out without a jacket or blanket on for one of the first times in her life.  She was so cute and aware, taking it all in.  
I've been thinking about cycles, like summer, fall, spring, winter. Every change brings on a new set of problem solving and adapting.  New stretches and new growth.  And hopefully the old useless stuff falls off.  I hope that this is true in my personal life.  That as I go through these cycles of life that it refines me into a better person.  That I aid in the process of refining my children into better people.  

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Lenting Chocolate

Since Isabelle was born I have been on a chocolate rampage.  It was never enough.  I found myself seeking chocolate uncontrollably all hours of the day and night.  It was a problem.  Especially since I have some unwanted pounds.  So I thought that I would use lent as an opportunity to break my chocolate habit.  Ha ha.  It has been 4 weeks.

The first two weeks of lent were spent discovering how entrenched chocolate is in my diet.  Can I have white chocolate?  Who knew that supposedly red velvet has chocolate in it?  Not me.  I was iffy about the white chocolate since it does not have cocoa in it but ultimately decided that it would simply act as a substitute for 'real' chocolate.  Red velvet was simply ignorance on my part.  Had no idea.

So two full weeks without any chocolate, although some close calls.  I thought by now the cravings would have let up but they have not.  My husband regularly asks me if I'm catholic and then taunts me with his increase in chocolate.  The biggest thing I have learned from this is that I can do what I say I will do and I can keep promises.

Unfortunately the positive side effects I was hoping for are not there.  I have not lost weight.  I do not run faster.  The cravings are still present.  It feels more like a battle of will at this point.  I can and will hold on but at this point it is solely because I said I would do it.  So here's to two more weeks of chocolate-less bliss.

Monday, April 4, 2011

General Conference

As I listened to General Conference, over the loudness of my children and their constant demands, the main message for me seemed to revolve around temples.  I was listening to learn about Joseph Smith but I felt more impressed to focus on temples.  I have struggled to attend the temple since moving here to Ohio and have definitely felt the resultant impact on my testimony.  My spiritual reservoir is low and I need to refill it.
I guess overall I have felt the gentle pull of the Saviour to regain a deeper spirituality.  It is nice to feel like I am stepping in the right direction.  I have found some friends that have agreed to go with me to swap babysitting and I am excited to take them up on this offer.  I am excited to follow the prophet's council and return the temple more frequently.

Sunday, April 3, 2011


Now that it is spring our basement isn't nearly as cold.  Still cold but not as cold.  I am now more willing to come down here and pluck out a few things.  The last couple of months have brought changes.

Josh is talking a lot and expressing his opinions.  A lot. He asks "Mommy holdge me" or "daddy holdge me".  He says "No mommy" and "Sit mommy".  So cute!  But also naughty.  Just like Abby he has me running around like a crazy woman.  Unlike Abby he is aggressive to other kids.  We are working with that.  In part I think it is because he seems to always be tired.

He does not sleep well.  There is a recently ray of hope.  A kind angel in our ward gave us a new pillow top twin bed for Josh.  He has slept a lot better the last few nights.  I feel more confident asking him to go to sleep on his own.  I am starting to feel optimistic that his sleep will improve.

Abby is just getting older.  I think she is almost thirteen.  Or so she acts.  She likes Justin Beiber, I think, because everyone else seems too.  She is quickly learning to read and I am cherishing her notes that become more and more proficient everyday.  Someday soon she will look at these notes and see her 'creative' spelling.  I love it.  I love her eagerness to learn.  It makes up for the annoying things she does-which are many.

She adores Isabelle and wants to be involved as much as possible.  She has started to clean really well.  Probably annoyed at my post-baby house cleaning.  Either way it is nice to see her take pride in her room and our home.

Isabelle has done so much.  Learning to belly laugh and roll over.  She is working very hard at sitting up.  She goes a little longer everyday.  Soon I will be able to just sit her down.  She is eating solid foods very well.  She actually eats and even enjoys baby oatmeal with juice- pear is her favorite.  She is perfect in every way.  I am so lucky to have such a good natured baby.

I have been running more.  I finished my first quilt with a lot of help and am working on my second quilt, with a lot of help.  I am now Abby's soccer coach.  That is interesting.  I have great hope.  Mostly my days are full of mothering.

Adam goes to school and church.  In his spare time he plays with the kids.  

Thursday, February 17, 2011

New Years Resolutions

What?  New Years Resolutions?  What?  I know that it is half way through February.  Clearly timely recording is not one of my resolutions.  I have however had these goals in mind for quite some time.  Now it is time to commit.  Part of my hesitancy is that they are so personal.  So personal.

So my first resolution is to be a better wife.    Every few years I try to challenge myself this way.  Being a better wife sounds a lot like being a better human being.  So vague.  I recently read a talk by President Hinckley called "Forgiveness".  He talked about spouses who nag and harrass over small things.  I also read a post by Kristin Armstrong called "Talk Nice" about talking nicely about ourselves and those around us.  That's as deep as I'll go here.  Like I said, it is pretty personal.

So my next resolution is to gain a stronger knowledge and testimony of the prophet Joseph Smith. 

My third resolution is to get a PR on a 5k.  By the end of the year I want to comfortably run a sub 27 min 5k.   I may challenge myself more, but for now this is my goal.  I've signed up for a 5k in May.  If I don't do it there then I will have several options throughout the year.  There is a 10 or 10 that I want to run the Saturday before Father's Day that I will do if I get my 5k goal in May.  I really want to try for the 10 miler, but that requires a time commitment that I'm really unsure about.  I may just have to focus on speed this year. 

Three Kids

It seems like there are a million things I want to write about.  My new years resolutions, my kids, thoughts about spirituality, running...so much.  I think I will write about three kids today.

One of the most terrifying things about being pregnant again was the simple fact that I would have three kids.  For months I begged advice and stories and ideas from mommies of three plus.  None of it was terribly encouraging. 

First of all, I absolutely love my baby girl, my little boy, and my energetic kindergartener.  Each of them individually are wonderful and even well behaved.  Even paired with one another isn't so bad.  But the three together, well the highs are higher and the lows are so much lower. 
Screaming in stereo was bad with two, but three?  Deafness has already set in.  Three kids to clean up after?  Three different age groups to entertain?  AAAAAGGGG

Three fast asleep kids?  Three laughing playing kids?  Three kids listening intently to a story?  Three kids bowing their heads queitly during a prayer?  It's a piece- a small sliver- of heaven in my home.  There are clear moments of joy that carry me through the hours,even days, of hard work.  Isabelle laughing, smiling. Josh saying a prayer.  Abby telling me about her day. 

It's making those moments happen more often that I am trying to accomplish.  They seem to come and go without any predictability.  This is the hardest lesson of motherhood. To just enjoy the moments of heaven without pouring over how to recreate them.  Because in all honesty I have replicated exactly certains days of my life all with different outcomes. I think the key is being open to the possibility of a good time when it rolls along. 
Siezing the day.
So three kids right now is challenging, but rewarding.  It is an amplified state of where I was.   

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Leaving Ur

leaving ur

I read this article by Kristin Armstrong (one of my favorite bloggers).  I thought about my own Ur.  In some very tangible ways I feel like I have left Ur.  I live in Ohio thousands of miles from my Texas home, with only new friends to greet us.  We live literally every year differently and without knowledge of where we are going to live and when we will get there or how it will all happen.  The constant that is most important is trusting the Lord.

I still find it difficult to always trust that this is right.  That HOW we are doing it is right.  That WHERE we are is right.  I find myself in need of a lot or reassurance.  This is new to me and my husband.  No one is really mentoring us through this  process.  We are guided by God, I believe, but not really any one person here on earth.  Don't get me wrong, we have some fantastic cheerleaders, but for them this is new too.

tangent:  When I think about our journey here it helps me feel compassionate towards other people who venture out beyond the landscapes that their families have already made.  I often hear about welfare recipients and why don't they do more for themselves.  Or children of High School dropouts.  These are people at the bottom of the wrung.  Who seemingly don't do the basic civility of providing for themselves and bettering their situation so that they can provide for themselves.. 

 It's scary and hard and most importantly unknown.  

Forging the path is difficult when no one is there holding your hand through it.  There is so much that I hope to pass on to our children that will make their journey easier.  Conversely we have struggled so much where others glide by and that alone has granted us trouble.  I can see now why more poverty stricken people don't change their situation.  Not because it is comfortable but because it is known.  
End Tangent

In other ways, much more private ways, I still need to heed that call to pack up and leave.  Again it is hard but mostly unknown.  It requires more than measurable trust and almost equal work.  Being the mother of three has rocked my world.  Having a husband that is gone at school or church is painstaking.  Doing it without family brings me to a place I have never before known.

But God has provided.  He has provided the friends that are my Ohio family.  He has proven His trustworthiness.  He has given me strength to do the work.  And he leads me ever on.  I just hope that I continue to have the faith to follow.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


I made this picture extra large so you could tell that I put brush strokes on it.  Anyway I've been having fun with photo shop.  There's so much more to post.  So many ups and downs.  Just need to get to it.