Saturday, October 31, 2009


So recently I witnessed a situation occur at church that really offended me.  I felt like one party involved was really inappropriate.  It really depressed me.  I took it fairly personally, even though it was not directed at me.  It involved adults, just so you all don't think that I am talking of teenagers.  I have not really resolved it yet and as I thought more about it last night it came to tears.  Certainly this past week has been hard and with everything else going on I'm sure that part of my despair is in fact due to other circumstances.  I began thinking of ways to control the situation so that I do not end up hurt again.  As I thought about what had happened I began to rationalize that this ward is not really my home ward.  It is my student ward, so really not mine at all.  Just a temporary place for me to be.  I thought if I stop going to the less mandatory activities that there would be less chance of offense.  You can see where this train of thought is headed.  But as I followed this stream of thought it lead to me to my testimony.  I love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ much more than I feel offended.  I can get over my offense in order to maintain my promises and obligations to the Lord.  Really that is what gets me up and motivated to chase down 2 little kids and force them into church appropriate attire every Sunday.  That is what prompts me to continue to read scriptures to my daughter who tries to pretend to fall asleep, walk on the wall, sing at the top of her lungs or otherwise thwart my spiritual attempts every night.  It is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and our loving Heavenly Father that pulls me through temptation and trial alike.  I'm certain that it will pull me through this one too.

Friday, October 30, 2009

The Cleveland Clinic-A First Hand Review

So today I ventured out for the first time to the Cleveland clinic.  Josh had an appointment with the pediatric gastroenterologist at 8:00 am.  We arrived at the actual hospital campus/building just after 8:00.  After refusing valet for $10.00 total I was directed to the nearest parking garage.  First hour = free.  Second half hour $4.00 and so on until you reach a $10.00 maximum.  Yikes.  The parking garage had a tunnel connecting to each of the nearest buildings which was a nice amenity.  We headed to the 11th floor and checked in.  We got there at about 8:15.  The secretaries were really nice about us being late.  They never said a word and when I brought it up they said that it was fine. We waited about 30 minutes in the waiting area and they were packed.  Then we went to our room.  We waited about 1 hour and 15 minutes.  That felt like a small eternity.  All the while I was thinking about the parking fees.  Abby was just about ready to burst out of her skin and Josh was determined to figure out what would happen if he shoved his pudgy little hands into one of the many uncovered outlets in every area/room of this place.  The doctor came in.  She seemed smart but then she tried to give me a mask for Josh to wear because he coughed once.  When that obviously failed she excused herself and came back with a mask.  She then took the normal history where I repeated myself well over 3-4 times per question.  Then it was time for the physical exam.  Josh squirmed a little bit and she once again excused herself to get a nurse to help her hold him down.  hmmm.  The nurse came back, now masked (she wasn't before we saw the doctor), and Josh laid perfectly still.  He was perfect.  He didn't even cry.  She then said that Josh likely has a milk protein allergy and possibly something else, I can't remember.  She did ask Abby to be quiet, which scared Abby which caused her to be quiet.  Then she left and had a dietician come in and tell me to stop eating.  Just kidding, it just feels that way.  Apparently I am on a kosher diet now or something.   The doctor came in and took Abby on a tour while the dietician talked to me which was immensely helpful, and she did say that for how long she waited Abby was very good.   So the dietician said to keep trying to get him to take cereal and suggested a few tricks to help get it down.  It was helpful.  We then scheduled an upper GI with speech pathology.  That will be done Thanksgiving week.  The dietician was more personable than the doctor and I felt like she listened more.  She thought that he might have some acid reflux issues which the upper GI would be able to diagnose.  We then went to the lab where two big men tortured Josh.  This test is to confirm the milk protein allergy, lead poisoining, iron count, and cbc.  All in all we were there for four hours.  And I got to pay $10.00 in parking.  When I go back next month I will just pay the $10.00 for the valet.  I felt like it was a productive visit.  I felt like they were helpful and knowledgable.  But I also really really hope that I get to cancel all this nonsense and just have my little boy eat.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Honey Am I Hormonal?

So for the last several weeks I have been off center.  Struggling to be myself in basic, basic ways.  Part of this may be this or that but most of it, I believe, is lack of estrogen.  Apparently nursing causes estrogen levels to drop.  I experienced a similar phenomena when Abby was 1 year old.  I tried going to a CNM when it happened 3 years ago.  Her grand solution was to have me stop nursing.  Just stop.  Since Abby was not ready and neither was I it simply wasn't an option.  Now with Josh not eating solid foods it definitely isn't an option.  With a handful of stewing skeptisism I headed to the doctors office. She was actually helpful and I agreed with her treatment plan.  So hopefully I can stop asking Adam "Honey am I hormonal".

Friday, October 23, 2009

Josh's Dr Appointment

Today I took Josh to his 1 year old visit.  He is our kid that always has something.  Abby was there because we were going to get her flu shot but then I decided against it.  But she was there.  Obnoxiously there.  Going to the doctors office is as bad if not worse that being on the phone with her.  "Mommy I need to talk to you!  Mommy I need to talk to you!  Mommy I LOVE YOU!"  Yes cute but not when she is drowning out any potentially important information from the practitioner.  So anyway I told the nurse that Josh still will not eat.  I am worried because he doesn't sleep well and he felt lighter to me and I think he is hungry.  If he were sleeping better and maintaining his weight or not acting so hungry I wouldn't be concerned.  But I was.  It just so happened that the np previously worked for the feeding disorder clinic.  She said that he definately needs to get in.  So we were wrapping up that lovely conversation about how he has sucked his little mouth into a weird shape and how obnoxious Abby is when he tripped over the nurse's chair and face planted it.  Again.  Yes blood all over the place.  Again.  3rd time in less than a week.  I swear this kid is trying to push me into a nervous breakdown.  I nearly cried  He screamed.  The nurse told me to breast feed him.  I think she didn't want to listen to him cry anymore.  His nose is very swollen.  He lost 1/2 lb this month.  That's really hard for me.  I like him chunky.  I'm ready for the help.  She also gave me a referral to see an allergist to make sure that he is not allergic to the food I am trying to feed him.  It was a helpful although distressful visit.  Atleast it was helpful.  It would have been cooler if nothing was wrong with him.  If his nose didn't meet the ground in such a horrible way and if he would just eat anything besides shoes and plastic.  I would be less grumpy.  

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Fall Picture for Becca

Patterson Farm's Fun Fest

We had a BUNCH of fun at Patterson Farms.

Josh's Birthday

Yesterday was Josh's first birthday.  We made him a yellow cake with chocolate frosting.
He liked the frosting.
We opened presents.  Josh figured it out toward the end. 

Finally we went to the Ringling/Barnum Bro's Circus.  It was really cool.  Josh fell asleep during the first part.  After the intermission was over he woke up.  His favorite part was the tiger tamer.  It was really scary.  Abby REALLY enjoyed the circus.  She said that her favorite part was the human cannonballs.  Adam's favorite part of the circus was also the tiger tamer.  I really liked tight rope walkers.  It was a really fun first birthday.
Then we opened presents.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Josh's last day as an infant

Today is Josh's last day as an infant.  In true infant style I was up with him about 3 times last night.  On Saturday I got to take Josh to his very first ER visit.  He fell at Kohl's while I was trying on a dress and probably broke his nose.  With blood spurting everywhere I threw my clothes back on and after speaking with the Kohl's people about their bloody dress was off to find medical attention for Josh.  They did not do an X-Ray because the treatment is the same for a broken nose as it is for a bruised nose.  Unfortunately for Josh this is the time of year when we have the heater on and that stuff us up a little.  Normally this is no big deal and everyone can sleep through it BUT when your nose is swollen 2-3 times it's normal size, it IS a big deal.  Last night was actually the best night yet.  I figured out if I put a couple of drops of water up your nose then you can work out the boogers and sleep well.  This is ofcourse after some motrin to take some of the swelling down. 

Josh is an active little baby.  He has fallen since the Kohls accident and re-injured his nose.  It was just a minor set back.  His favorite hobbies include opening/emptying drawers, climbing ANYTHING even his tired mommy, the side of Abby's bed, the armoire, tables, chairs, desks, stairs.  His least favorite thing is getting DOWN from these places and eating food.  Or actually swallowing food.  Even if he likes the way it tastes and swishes it in his little mouth a few times if it is in danger of actually going down then everything must come up.  I am a pro at catching throw up now. Thanks Josh.  Something I never knew I wanted to be.  Overall he is a happy, VERY CUDDLY and sweet baby.  He is still learning to talk but has said "mama" "dada" and I swear he said "Jesus" at church on Sunday.  I am going to go and enjoy this last day on infancy with my baby.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Josh Playing Peek-a-boo

Josh had his first haircut on Friday.  A very patient Jamie Yetter wrestled him and got his hair done.  We spiked it which is hard to tell in this picture.  He is super cute and looks a lot older.  Although I miss his baby hair I think he looks great!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

My Talk that I gave in sacrament meeting

As my mom would lovingly point out I still haven't learned to make paragraphs.  Here it is:
Right now Ohio is going through some rough times. Employment rates are low and those who are employed are not making the money that they need to keep up with the costs of daily living. There is an air of anxiety. Many families are turning to church right now for a lot of different reasons. Church is free. Church can bring hope and calm in the midst of this hard time. I also feel like we are re examining our lives and trying to make hard decisions. Church helps remind us of our values, of the commandments which God gave us to help us make these hard decisions. I was asked today to talk about Keeping these Commandments.

Heavenly Father created us and our world. He sent us his son as an example and to teach us how to return to our Father in Heaven. In his earthly ministry Jesus taught us “If Ye love me, keep my commandments”. As I have studied the scriptures and this past conference Love of God is the ultimate reason to keep the commandments. It is also the first and greatest commandment and we are taught that if we keep this commandment that everything else will follow.

President Dieter F Uchtdorf gave a talk last weekend called “The Love of God” and stated the following:

“Because love is the great commandment, it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our church callings, and in our livelihood…When we truly understand what it means to love as Jesus Christ loves us, the confusion clears and our priorities align. Our walk as Disciples of Christ becomes more joyful. Our lives take on new meaning. Our relationship with our Heavenly Father becomes more profound. Obedience becomes a joy rather than a burden.”

Keeping the commandments, especially this first and greatest commandment to Love God transforms our lives. Right now when fear and doubt are rampant, where there is less certainty about jobs and money we can be certain about our values. As we love God and try to develop our relationship with him “confusion clears and our priorities align”. I am reminded of Nephi when his life was in upheaval. His father Lehi had a vision and he was asked to leave everything behind. Then after he had given up the comforts of his life he was asked to return to Jerusalem and retrieve the plates. I believe that as he proceeded through this journey that it was his Love of God that allowed him to remain faithful to his task and proclaim that “I awill go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no bcommandments unto the children of men, save he shall cprepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” His love of God allowed him to retain his values even under hard circumstances. Likewise we can use our relationship with God to anchor us in righteous living when our journey is rough and feels unsure.

Keeping the commandments and loving God create a positive feedback loop. As you keep the commandments it is easier to love God and because you love God it is easier to keep his commandments.

When the commandments are viewed from the perspective of our loving Heavenly Father it is evident that he is trying to enable us to live rich full lives and not to restrict us. Each one of the commandments that he has given us protects and enables us to live full and happy lives. They prevent us from choosing heartbreak and allow us to have more freedoms, more choices, and more responsibility. We sing about this truth: “How Gentle God’s Commands, How kind his precepts are! Come cast your burden on the Lord and trust his constant care. Beneath his watchful eye, his saints securely dwell, That hand which bears all nature up shall guard his children well.”

This truth is evident in our lives and the lives of those around us. Each of us has witnessed the hard choices of people we love around us failing to keep the commandments. We have witnessed the hardships that their choices cause not only them but the people around them. As they choose a path that is contradictory to the commandments of God they suffer, for “wickedness never was happiness”. A member of my family has made some very hard choices that has lead to her to abandon her six children and remain distant and unresponsive to those who love her most. Unfortunately her actions have not only affected her children and family but the lives of countless others. As I have struggled through this experience I have thought deeply about the Love of God. The love he has for me and the wisdom in which he has created this world. I struggle as I hear of my parents sacrificing everything to start over as six children are thrust upon them and then find out about the neglect that these children have suffered. In my weakness I struggle to understand why God does not intervene and make my sister choose differently. Why does he not force parents to be good and love his children?

In Dalin H Oaks talk this last week he said “God does not intervene to forstall the consequences of some persons’ choices in order to protect the well-being of other persons—even when they kill, injure or oppress one another—for this would destroy His plan for our eternal progress. He will bless us to endure the consequences of others’s choices, but He will not prevent those choices.” Because of my personal experience it is clear to me that every commandment has been put in place by a loving, protective Father in Heaven who wants us to succeed. He will not stop others from disobeying his commandments, but he will give those who are affected by their bad choices the strength to press on. One of my favorite hymns “Come Thou Glorious Day of Promise” describes my feelings as I have watched this situation with my sister unravel:

“Come Thou Glorious day of promise; come and spread thy cheerful ray, when the scattered sheep of Israel shall no longer go astray, when Hosannas with united voice they’ll cry.

Lord, How long wilt thou be angry? Shall they wrath forever burn? Rise, redeem thine ancient people; Their transgressions from them turn. King of Israel come and set they people free.

Oh, that soon thou wouldst to Jacob thy enliv’ning spirit send. Of their unbelief and misery Make O Lord a speedy end. Lord, Messiah! Prince of Peace o’er Israel reign.”

I love that it is never too late to start following the commandments. This knowledge brings me hope and joy especially as I think of my sister. I know that at any point in time as she travels down this hard path she can turn back to the Lord. She can immediately begin the repentance process and immediately improve her life by following the commandments. I believe the improvement in life is immediate. The very moment that you make the commitment to change and follow God’s commandments is the moment that your life improves. He is there to help encourage and direct us back into the path of happiness.

As we learn to realize our potential and understand the commandments more fully things can become complicated. Let me share a very personal example. After having my daughter Abigail I was anxious to lose the weight I gained while pregnant. However I struggled to make it to the gym. I talked to a friend who said that she would reward herself for going to the gym with a candy. So I set up a rewards system for myself. It was quite motivating. You see I reasoned that if I burned 300 calories on the treadmill then I could have my favorite candy bar. I stalked up and began a very regular exercise routine. After sometime I was disappointed that the weight was not coming off. As I further examined my routine I discovered that a snickers bar is nearly 300 calories. I realized that the reward I gave myself for doing something good was replacing the goal I had set out to achieve. President Uchtdorf in his talk “The Love of God” said “…there are so many shoulds and should nots that merely keeping track of them can be a challenge. Sometimes, well-meaning amplifications of divine principles—many coming from uninspired sources—complicate matters further, diluting the purity of divine truth with man-made addenda.” I repented and gave up my snickers reward and instead allowed myself to reach the goal I had set out for myself.
As we progress through this life and learn “precept upon precept” about the gospel and the Lord’s commandments we are blessed with a Love of God, a relationship with him. This relationship will anchor us in righteous living and allow us to live up to our potential.

As we walk through the rough terrains of our life, and turn again to God for help with our hard decisions, will we receive peace and calm in our lives from keeping the commandments.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

What I did!

Okay so I am a little picture retarded and can't get them the way I want as quickly as I want.  I made a new ironing board cover!!!  It is really exciting because having a good IBC really makes a difference when you are ironing.  My last one was really bad, and it is sooo awesome to have one that fits.  Also my friend Bridgette showed me how to make bows!  She showed Roni the same time and they were making cute Halloween themed bows.  They were so cute I decided to do something similar.  Abby still isn't crazy about wearing her hair up but having a cute bow makes a difference.  Thanks guys!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Yay! I won the CIRCUS TICKETS!!!

I won the circus tickets that I blogged about a week ago!  We will be going to the circus for Josh's FIRST birthday.  We are so excited to go.  Thanks Rachel for the awesome give away!