Merry Christmas!

We had a wonderful Christmas this. On Christmas Eve everyone gathered at Becca's house for a shepherds dinner. Although the food that shepherds ate is kind of gross it is still really fun to do. There was a fire and Dad read the Fourth Wise Man. Becca read "Twas the night before Christmas" to Abby and Theron. That was really fun. Then we came home and left cookies and milk for Santa and went to bed. We woke up and sure enough Santa had come. We got wonderful presents and then had a nice big breakfast.
In the afternoon we met with Adam's side of the family. Meme, Granddad and Zach all came and we had pizza and exchanged presents. This year we made meme a blanket which was really fun. I am considering making blankets for Zach and Granddad for their birthday's this year. We'll see. Then we went home and had a wonderful turkey dinner made by Grandma and Becca. It was really a fun christmas.

A few weeks ago

A couple of weeks ago Abby, Josh, Theron, Becca and I all went to the IMAX and saw the Polar Express. It was pretty cool. It was Abby's first time seeing it at all and she got really into it. She jumped and held my hand really tight. Josh slept through most of it but when he was awake he batted at the screen. Then we went to McDonald's and shortened our lives by a few days at least.

Lately Abby has started two things. The first thing is saying "no I amn't." It's pretty cute. The other thing I have yet to decide. She has started telling me that she is going to marry a little boy in our ward. She tells me that he is a prince and that she is a princess. He is going to take her to the temple she says. Then she bashfully says she likes him, then takes it back, then says she likes him again. I usually talk to her about the things she should look for in a husband and things she has to do before she gets married. It's cute but disturbing as well. So far I found that this is a truly authentic thing she has come up with. No one that I know of has planted this in her brain, and trust me I have been asking.

In a few days I will be posting my new year's resolutions and an accounting of how I did on last year's new year resolutions. I think that this year I will make a template for all of those attending my New Years party to make resolutions. Instead of coming up with three things on their own I will have a sentence like "For one week this year I will..." or "One new thing I will try this year is..." I will do this unless enough people blog on here that they don't want me too.

Snowman Surprise

For family home evening Adam and I decided to make a snowman. I was feeling sad that we couldn't make a snowman when I had an idea and shared it with Adam. We went to Wal-Mart and bought 5 cheap pillows. We also bought some candy and hot chocolate. Next we taped 2 pillows together to form the base of the snowman by wrapping one around the other. Then we did the same for the next level. Finally for the head we wrapped all four corners of one pillow down. We decorated the face with rolo's and twizzlers. We taped twigs on it for arms. We then went to our friends, the Edfrennes, and dropped off our snowman. It was really fun. Next year I think that we will use some wrapping paper for the middle because the snowman was rather wobbly. I wish that I had taken pictures but we were in a hurry to get home to Josh. We decided that it was fun and want to make the snowman a tradition. By the way we did include gift reciepts so that they could take back the 5 pillows.

Exercising

Since Josh was six weeks old I have managed to work out about 3 times a week. I have felt frusterated by how slowly I was having to go. I really lost a lot of core strength with Josh. I have virtually no stomach muscles. This makes me weak in every other way as well. So I run slow and weight lifting is light. I felt really frusterated by this last Friday and decided to switch things up. Instead of doing a straight running cardio work out I decided to try the bike for 25 minutes and then run a ten minute mile. I haven't run a ten minute mile in a long time. But I thought it was a reasonable goal. So I did it. It was a bad bad bad choice. The next day I figured out what they mean when they say that you will KNOW if you have over done it. I over did it big time and am still paying for it. The pain is getting better but I don't think that I will do that again. I took a break from the gym today to give my body a little more recovery time but I plan on hitting the gym again later this week. I have decided to run in the Cowtown but am still uncertain about the Jiggle Jog at the first of the year ( http://www.jigglebuttrun.com/ ). It benefits the women's shelter and costs only 15 dollars. Still not sure though. I'll have to wait and see how later this week goes. I still haven't lost anymore weight since Josh was 2 weeks old. That is frusterating but I'm not focusing on that. I'm trying to focus only on fitness goals right now and regain function instead of sizes or numbers. It is just more satisfying to do it that way.

The Transition from 1 to 2

Several of my friends have asked me this question, and it is a question that I asked before I had 2. So I thought I would write a blog about it.
Before I had 2 I was worried about a few things. I was worried about how I would sleep. When Abby was a baby I got sleep when she did. It was not consecutive but I still got enough. I was worried about how Abby would react. Would she try to kill Josh? Would she love him to death? Would she like having a brother. I felt very much like this was imposed on her. Although we talked to her about it she can't really make these kinds of decisions. I was worried about loving him enough. I worried about how I would give each of them the time they needed. I worried about carrying both of them in my arms. I worried about Abby regressing. The year of 2 had so many milestones and I was really worried of losing all of that. I worried about more than what I can write here. However, right before I had Josh, like the day before I felt the peace and calm that I needed to know that I could handle it. I should mention that this feeling came with a lot of prayer.

I expected things to collapse after having Josh. I anticipated being so incredibly tired that Abby's interaction with other humans would come from the TV. I expected the house to be in shambles and to not want to see ANYBODY for weeks. I also prepared to hunker down and not go anywhere for a couple of months. I expected to be weak and frail from giving birth and that Abby would need to be in diapers right away.

After Josh was born things didn't collapse. Abby retained her potty training abilities and she seemed excited and receptive to having a sibling. I faired well at night because during the day I had help and could take a nap or a break as needed. In the first week after Josh was born I felt physically well. We went to the park and out for short stints. What I didn't realize is that things don't collapse after having a baby they simply unravel.

For Abby the unraveling happened over a few days in the second week. For some reason she would not let anyone else watch her. She would cry and refuse to leave me. She was vehement about staying right by me all the time. As close as possible. Then she began having more and more accidents. Eventually she had a few complete breakdowns. I tried to attribute these to stress but since everyone went back to work and Abby wouldn't go anywhere with anyone I was EXHAUSTED.

Something beyond all this happened to Abby. She got so big after I had Joshua. I looked at her and immediately had much higher expectations of her than what I had before. It took sometime for me to realize that I had done this. They were things like picking an outfit and getting dressed in only a slightly longer amount of time that it took me. Or cleaning her room how I would want it cleaned. Or being very patient when she not only wanted something but needed it. I still wonder about my expectations of her. They are much higher and different than when she was an only child. At the same time she grew from my expectations. She can now do a lot more things more independently.

The hardest thing for me with Abigail hasn't been the demand of attention or re-potty training. Although wildly frustrating they are temporary. The new lesson and hardest for her to grasp is how to treat Joshua. She immediately loved him. She has never expressed anything but love for him. But the second of my fears is more real. She may love him to death. Or more likely injury. She likes to run into the room and land a little too hard next to or on top of him. She doesn't understand why she can't smother him. Or smother him with kisses when she is sick. Or hold him by herself while she is walking around. It is hard for her to understand how fragile he is. Once while I was in the shower I felt like something was wrong. I had put Josh in his crib with the crib rail all the way up. I did not imagine what I found mid-shower when I felt like something was wrong. Abby was in Josh's crib with him "giving him his Binky". I think that he could breath but who knows for how much longer if I hadn't found them? Once or maybe twice I caught her trying to cover his mouth so that he would stop crying. She thought that these were comfort measures. There are other things I didn't think about with Abby that have changed our relationship. I don't like it when Abby plays with his toys because I am worried that she will break them. I don't like it when Abby holds his arms or hands because I am worried that she will break them. I love that she is protective over him and won't let things that she perceives to be harmful happen to him. She protects him from other three year olds. Which is funny. She is so interested in him and loves to help me with him. I am constantly trying to figure out more and benign things she can do with and for him. This is a wonderful surprise.

As for sleep the first week or two were okay. Ironically at night when I wake up to feed him I don't feel exhausted. I guess I treasure the alone time I have with him enough that I don't think about it. He is not a fussy baby for the most part and generally goes back to sleep when I am ready. It is during the morning hours that I feel it. Right now Abby gets up at about 7:30. That is about the time that Josh goes back to sleep after waking up at 6:15 or so. Fortunately this last week he has started sleeping for about 5 hours straight. Sleep is not my biggest problem although it does affect how cranky I feel. For the most part I feel like I can muscle through it. I just remind myself that I can sleep when I am an old lady.

The thing that really affects the way the I function is working out. Admittedly I am very bad at sacrificing sleep for exercise. I have been fortunate enough to have my mom watch Josh and Abby once or twice a week while I go to the gym. I can get my frustrations out and am remarkably more patient with Abby. (Thanks Mom it makes more of a difference than you know). It also offsets some of the exhaustion. It is also a lifeline to who I am. When I am working out I can just worry about me for an hour. I can not worry about potty training or breast feeding or who is sick or what we need to do next. I can just be. It's huge for me.

The house cleaning has taken a hit. There has been an explosion of laundry. Part of that is having a newborn. The other part is potty training. Now that Abby is down to just a few accidents a week it is getting more doable. Where laundry used to be folded and put away while it was still warm from the dryer...well lets just say it's cold by the time it makes it to folded and put away. Dishes are slowly getting better. This is in part once again to mom. I keep trying to get back on to the kitchen. It is the big energy drainer for me. It seems like working in the kitchen at all causes children to cry or poop or barf or get hurt or have a major catastrophe or go completely crazy with scissors or markers...Vacuuming is doable. Cleaning the bathroom is quick and doable.

Shopping is a pain in the butt with two kids. I would rather clean the kitchen than go shopping. I would rather consume all of the food storage before shopping (we have dipped into our food storage more than ever before because I do not want to go grocery shopping). It is the ultimate energy drainer. Even if the kids are at home and I have a list. This may just be a personal thing. There are few things I hate worse than grocery shopping. I hated grocery shopping before I had kids, hated it more after I had Abby, and hate it even more now that I have Joshua.

The good news here is that I feel like we are starting to come full cycle. Joshua is eight weeks today. Abby sleeps in her own bed and for the most part is back where she was with potty training before Josh was born. She loves to get out and go places with or without me. Things are getting easier. Not quicker. Not yet. I still take a million years to leave the house and I only plan one thing per day. But it is getting more enjoyable everyday.

Despite all of these downs there are some incredible ups. I absolutely love being a mother. Abby can be incredibly sweet and helpful. She amazes me with her ability to learn and her different interests. She is funny with what annoys her and how she handles it. She is beginning to start real imaginative play and it is incredible to hear and see what she comes up with. Josh melts my heart and I feel happy and privileged to be his mommy all the time. He smiles so much and is so laid back. I just love watching him gather information and take it all in. Its wonderful to see him do little things like bat at his toys. Just like Abby I could give him all my attention for the rest of my life and not feel like I missed out on anything that this world has to offer. All of these feelings of intense love for my children (how fun is that to say!) have made the transition from 1 to 2 much easier than what I expected. There is so much more to say regarding the transition from 1 to 2. Much more than what I can or will write. Also there are lots more people out there who have a greater wealth of knowledge about this. Hopefully they will comment with suggestions and insight.

It is not necessary to sing all the verses of my song at once

Two things happened this week that made me reflect on who I am. Rebecca and I were talking and I quoted a phrase from one of Abby's little kid show songs. She commented that this was the soundtrack to my life. Then for visiting teaching this month we are supposed to get some basic information about our sisters, including their hobbies. My visiting teacher shared with me what she wrote down for me. Admittedly she knows me rather well. The list was dismal. There were so many things I wanted to add to that list but they are more dreams than hobbies. So I decided to blog about what my future hobbies will be.

#1 Adventure racing http://www.usara.com/
#2 Marathoner/Triathalon
#3 Dress making
#4 Avid reader (right now I restrict myself to only a few books a year because I severely neglect my family while reading)
#5 Writer. I really enjoy writing. I have done a few genres of writing in college. Weirdly I enjoy writing research papers and essays. I realize that these are opposites but I love the challenges that each one presents.
#6 Gardener. I want to learn how to grow food mostly.
#7 I also want to be actively involved in two kinds of charity. One that I can do locally and one that I travel with.

Anyway right now my hobbies include feeding my husband and children, cleaning up after my husband and children, nursing my husband and children and "working out" and making the occasional quilt/blanket.

I got this picture on the first of december. He had been smiling in the middle of the night for quite sometime. Josh smiles all the time now. He is huge and handsome. I love this little guy! Now that I have figured out where some of our pictures are I will post some more. But later.

Tummy Time

For a couple of weeks I have been putting Josh on his tummy for tummy time. When I did this to Abby she cried and figured out how to roll as fast as possible. Josh just falls asleep. It really scares me. I have been given so much information on SIDS and how sleeping on your stomach can be really dangerous. Especially if the baby is congested. Which Josh has been since day one. Worse now, he is showing a preference to sleep on his tummy. He cried half the morning and I knew that he was tired. I couldn't figure out what was keeping him awake. I tried everything. Finally I decided I had to put him down while I got lunch for Abby. I put him on his tummy for some tummy time since he was crying anyway. Almost immediately the crying stopped and before I finished dishing out the macaroni and cheese he was asleep. I just don't want him to die. I know that millions of kids have successfully survived sleeping on their stomach's as infants and that there is not clear cause or indications for SIDS. Either way I'm paranoid. I just really don't want him to die. I would feel a lot better about it if he could roll over.

Ears are the most disgusting part of the body

Today I got out of the shower and ofcourse there was water in my ear. Although I am very grateful for the opportunity to hear, and to have relatively good hearing I hate ears. Part of this is exacerbated by the fact that I was born into a family that has really gross ears. We have an abundance of ear wax. So I sat there with the gross feeling of water in my ear realizing that I had to get a q-tip to dig out not just water but ofcourse ear wax. This is not a rare occasion for me.
Beyond the superficial grossness of the ear lies not much more than more grossness. Tiny chicken like bones, a curly tunnel, and a small strip of skin all immersed in "fluid". The only part of an ear that I have ever seen disected were the ear bones. They are gross. The "fluid" is gross. The tiny villi (fingerlike hairs that sense vibration covering your nasty inside the fluid ear parts) are gross. Everything. It's not much better than what you see on the outside. No wonder God hid them behind hair. No wonder we put shiny pretty things on the most lower part of ears. All to distract or hide our hideous ears!