Merry Christmas!

We had a wonderful Christmas this. On Christmas Eve everyone gathered at Becca's house for a shepherds dinner. Although the food that shepherds ate is kind of gross it is still really fun to do. There was a fire and Dad read the Fourth Wise Man. Becca read "Twas the night before Christmas" to Abby and Theron. That was really fun. Then we came home and left cookies and milk for Santa and went to bed. We woke up and sure enough Santa had come. We got wonderful presents and then had a nice big breakfast.
In the afternoon we met with Adam's side of the family. Meme, Granddad and Zach all came and we had pizza and exchanged presents. This year we made meme a blanket which was really fun. I am considering making blankets for Zach and Granddad for their birthday's this year. We'll see. Then we went home and had a wonderful turkey dinner made by Grandma and Becca. It was really a fun christmas.

A few weeks ago

A couple of weeks ago Abby, Josh, Theron, Becca and I all went to the IMAX and saw the Polar Express. It was pretty cool. It was Abby's first time seeing it at all and she got really into it. She jumped and held my hand really tight. Josh slept through most of it but when he was awake he batted at the screen. Then we went to McDonald's and shortened our lives by a few days at least.

Lately Abby has started two things. The first thing is saying "no I amn't." It's pretty cute. The other thing I have yet to decide. She has started telling me that she is going to marry a little boy in our ward. She tells me that he is a prince and that she is a princess. He is going to take her to the temple she says. Then she bashfully says she likes him, then takes it back, then says she likes him again. I usually talk to her about the things she should look for in a husband and things she has to do before she gets married. It's cute but disturbing as well. So far I found that this is a truly authentic thing she has come up with. No one that I know of has planted this in her brain, and trust me I have been asking.

In a few days I will be posting my new year's resolutions and an accounting of how I did on last year's new year resolutions. I think that this year I will make a template for all of those attending my New Years party to make resolutions. Instead of coming up with three things on their own I will have a sentence like "For one week this year I will..." or "One new thing I will try this year is..." I will do this unless enough people blog on here that they don't want me too.

Snowman Surprise

For family home evening Adam and I decided to make a snowman. I was feeling sad that we couldn't make a snowman when I had an idea and shared it with Adam. We went to Wal-Mart and bought 5 cheap pillows. We also bought some candy and hot chocolate. Next we taped 2 pillows together to form the base of the snowman by wrapping one around the other. Then we did the same for the next level. Finally for the head we wrapped all four corners of one pillow down. We decorated the face with rolo's and twizzlers. We taped twigs on it for arms. We then went to our friends, the Edfrennes, and dropped off our snowman. It was really fun. Next year I think that we will use some wrapping paper for the middle because the snowman was rather wobbly. I wish that I had taken pictures but we were in a hurry to get home to Josh. We decided that it was fun and want to make the snowman a tradition. By the way we did include gift reciepts so that they could take back the 5 pillows.

Exercising

Since Josh was six weeks old I have managed to work out about 3 times a week. I have felt frusterated by how slowly I was having to go. I really lost a lot of core strength with Josh. I have virtually no stomach muscles. This makes me weak in every other way as well. So I run slow and weight lifting is light. I felt really frusterated by this last Friday and decided to switch things up. Instead of doing a straight running cardio work out I decided to try the bike for 25 minutes and then run a ten minute mile. I haven't run a ten minute mile in a long time. But I thought it was a reasonable goal. So I did it. It was a bad bad bad choice. The next day I figured out what they mean when they say that you will KNOW if you have over done it. I over did it big time and am still paying for it. The pain is getting better but I don't think that I will do that again. I took a break from the gym today to give my body a little more recovery time but I plan on hitting the gym again later this week. I have decided to run in the Cowtown but am still uncertain about the Jiggle Jog at the first of the year ( http://www.jigglebuttrun.com/ ). It benefits the women's shelter and costs only 15 dollars. Still not sure though. I'll have to wait and see how later this week goes. I still haven't lost anymore weight since Josh was 2 weeks old. That is frusterating but I'm not focusing on that. I'm trying to focus only on fitness goals right now and regain function instead of sizes or numbers. It is just more satisfying to do it that way.

The Transition from 1 to 2

Several of my friends have asked me this question, and it is a question that I asked before I had 2. So I thought I would write a blog about it.
Before I had 2 I was worried about a few things. I was worried about how I would sleep. When Abby was a baby I got sleep when she did. It was not consecutive but I still got enough. I was worried about how Abby would react. Would she try to kill Josh? Would she love him to death? Would she like having a brother. I felt very much like this was imposed on her. Although we talked to her about it she can't really make these kinds of decisions. I was worried about loving him enough. I worried about how I would give each of them the time they needed. I worried about carrying both of them in my arms. I worried about Abby regressing. The year of 2 had so many milestones and I was really worried of losing all of that. I worried about more than what I can write here. However, right before I had Josh, like the day before I felt the peace and calm that I needed to know that I could handle it. I should mention that this feeling came with a lot of prayer.

I expected things to collapse after having Josh. I anticipated being so incredibly tired that Abby's interaction with other humans would come from the TV. I expected the house to be in shambles and to not want to see ANYBODY for weeks. I also prepared to hunker down and not go anywhere for a couple of months. I expected to be weak and frail from giving birth and that Abby would need to be in diapers right away.

After Josh was born things didn't collapse. Abby retained her potty training abilities and she seemed excited and receptive to having a sibling. I faired well at night because during the day I had help and could take a nap or a break as needed. In the first week after Josh was born I felt physically well. We went to the park and out for short stints. What I didn't realize is that things don't collapse after having a baby they simply unravel.

For Abby the unraveling happened over a few days in the second week. For some reason she would not let anyone else watch her. She would cry and refuse to leave me. She was vehement about staying right by me all the time. As close as possible. Then she began having more and more accidents. Eventually she had a few complete breakdowns. I tried to attribute these to stress but since everyone went back to work and Abby wouldn't go anywhere with anyone I was EXHAUSTED.

Something beyond all this happened to Abby. She got so big after I had Joshua. I looked at her and immediately had much higher expectations of her than what I had before. It took sometime for me to realize that I had done this. They were things like picking an outfit and getting dressed in only a slightly longer amount of time that it took me. Or cleaning her room how I would want it cleaned. Or being very patient when she not only wanted something but needed it. I still wonder about my expectations of her. They are much higher and different than when she was an only child. At the same time she grew from my expectations. She can now do a lot more things more independently.

The hardest thing for me with Abigail hasn't been the demand of attention or re-potty training. Although wildly frustrating they are temporary. The new lesson and hardest for her to grasp is how to treat Joshua. She immediately loved him. She has never expressed anything but love for him. But the second of my fears is more real. She may love him to death. Or more likely injury. She likes to run into the room and land a little too hard next to or on top of him. She doesn't understand why she can't smother him. Or smother him with kisses when she is sick. Or hold him by herself while she is walking around. It is hard for her to understand how fragile he is. Once while I was in the shower I felt like something was wrong. I had put Josh in his crib with the crib rail all the way up. I did not imagine what I found mid-shower when I felt like something was wrong. Abby was in Josh's crib with him "giving him his Binky". I think that he could breath but who knows for how much longer if I hadn't found them? Once or maybe twice I caught her trying to cover his mouth so that he would stop crying. She thought that these were comfort measures. There are other things I didn't think about with Abby that have changed our relationship. I don't like it when Abby plays with his toys because I am worried that she will break them. I don't like it when Abby holds his arms or hands because I am worried that she will break them. I love that she is protective over him and won't let things that she perceives to be harmful happen to him. She protects him from other three year olds. Which is funny. She is so interested in him and loves to help me with him. I am constantly trying to figure out more and benign things she can do with and for him. This is a wonderful surprise.

As for sleep the first week or two were okay. Ironically at night when I wake up to feed him I don't feel exhausted. I guess I treasure the alone time I have with him enough that I don't think about it. He is not a fussy baby for the most part and generally goes back to sleep when I am ready. It is during the morning hours that I feel it. Right now Abby gets up at about 7:30. That is about the time that Josh goes back to sleep after waking up at 6:15 or so. Fortunately this last week he has started sleeping for about 5 hours straight. Sleep is not my biggest problem although it does affect how cranky I feel. For the most part I feel like I can muscle through it. I just remind myself that I can sleep when I am an old lady.

The thing that really affects the way the I function is working out. Admittedly I am very bad at sacrificing sleep for exercise. I have been fortunate enough to have my mom watch Josh and Abby once or twice a week while I go to the gym. I can get my frustrations out and am remarkably more patient with Abby. (Thanks Mom it makes more of a difference than you know). It also offsets some of the exhaustion. It is also a lifeline to who I am. When I am working out I can just worry about me for an hour. I can not worry about potty training or breast feeding or who is sick or what we need to do next. I can just be. It's huge for me.

The house cleaning has taken a hit. There has been an explosion of laundry. Part of that is having a newborn. The other part is potty training. Now that Abby is down to just a few accidents a week it is getting more doable. Where laundry used to be folded and put away while it was still warm from the dryer...well lets just say it's cold by the time it makes it to folded and put away. Dishes are slowly getting better. This is in part once again to mom. I keep trying to get back on to the kitchen. It is the big energy drainer for me. It seems like working in the kitchen at all causes children to cry or poop or barf or get hurt or have a major catastrophe or go completely crazy with scissors or markers...Vacuuming is doable. Cleaning the bathroom is quick and doable.

Shopping is a pain in the butt with two kids. I would rather clean the kitchen than go shopping. I would rather consume all of the food storage before shopping (we have dipped into our food storage more than ever before because I do not want to go grocery shopping). It is the ultimate energy drainer. Even if the kids are at home and I have a list. This may just be a personal thing. There are few things I hate worse than grocery shopping. I hated grocery shopping before I had kids, hated it more after I had Abby, and hate it even more now that I have Joshua.

The good news here is that I feel like we are starting to come full cycle. Joshua is eight weeks today. Abby sleeps in her own bed and for the most part is back where she was with potty training before Josh was born. She loves to get out and go places with or without me. Things are getting easier. Not quicker. Not yet. I still take a million years to leave the house and I only plan one thing per day. But it is getting more enjoyable everyday.

Despite all of these downs there are some incredible ups. I absolutely love being a mother. Abby can be incredibly sweet and helpful. She amazes me with her ability to learn and her different interests. She is funny with what annoys her and how she handles it. She is beginning to start real imaginative play and it is incredible to hear and see what she comes up with. Josh melts my heart and I feel happy and privileged to be his mommy all the time. He smiles so much and is so laid back. I just love watching him gather information and take it all in. Its wonderful to see him do little things like bat at his toys. Just like Abby I could give him all my attention for the rest of my life and not feel like I missed out on anything that this world has to offer. All of these feelings of intense love for my children (how fun is that to say!) have made the transition from 1 to 2 much easier than what I expected. There is so much more to say regarding the transition from 1 to 2. Much more than what I can or will write. Also there are lots more people out there who have a greater wealth of knowledge about this. Hopefully they will comment with suggestions and insight.

It is not necessary to sing all the verses of my song at once

Two things happened this week that made me reflect on who I am. Rebecca and I were talking and I quoted a phrase from one of Abby's little kid show songs. She commented that this was the soundtrack to my life. Then for visiting teaching this month we are supposed to get some basic information about our sisters, including their hobbies. My visiting teacher shared with me what she wrote down for me. Admittedly she knows me rather well. The list was dismal. There were so many things I wanted to add to that list but they are more dreams than hobbies. So I decided to blog about what my future hobbies will be.

#1 Adventure racing http://www.usara.com/
#2 Marathoner/Triathalon
#3 Dress making
#4 Avid reader (right now I restrict myself to only a few books a year because I severely neglect my family while reading)
#5 Writer. I really enjoy writing. I have done a few genres of writing in college. Weirdly I enjoy writing research papers and essays. I realize that these are opposites but I love the challenges that each one presents.
#6 Gardener. I want to learn how to grow food mostly.
#7 I also want to be actively involved in two kinds of charity. One that I can do locally and one that I travel with.

Anyway right now my hobbies include feeding my husband and children, cleaning up after my husband and children, nursing my husband and children and "working out" and making the occasional quilt/blanket.

I got this picture on the first of december. He had been smiling in the middle of the night for quite sometime. Josh smiles all the time now. He is huge and handsome. I love this little guy! Now that I have figured out where some of our pictures are I will post some more. But later.

Tummy Time

For a couple of weeks I have been putting Josh on his tummy for tummy time. When I did this to Abby she cried and figured out how to roll as fast as possible. Josh just falls asleep. It really scares me. I have been given so much information on SIDS and how sleeping on your stomach can be really dangerous. Especially if the baby is congested. Which Josh has been since day one. Worse now, he is showing a preference to sleep on his tummy. He cried half the morning and I knew that he was tired. I couldn't figure out what was keeping him awake. I tried everything. Finally I decided I had to put him down while I got lunch for Abby. I put him on his tummy for some tummy time since he was crying anyway. Almost immediately the crying stopped and before I finished dishing out the macaroni and cheese he was asleep. I just don't want him to die. I know that millions of kids have successfully survived sleeping on their stomach's as infants and that there is not clear cause or indications for SIDS. Either way I'm paranoid. I just really don't want him to die. I would feel a lot better about it if he could roll over.

Ears are the most disgusting part of the body

Today I got out of the shower and ofcourse there was water in my ear. Although I am very grateful for the opportunity to hear, and to have relatively good hearing I hate ears. Part of this is exacerbated by the fact that I was born into a family that has really gross ears. We have an abundance of ear wax. So I sat there with the gross feeling of water in my ear realizing that I had to get a q-tip to dig out not just water but ofcourse ear wax. This is not a rare occasion for me.
Beyond the superficial grossness of the ear lies not much more than more grossness. Tiny chicken like bones, a curly tunnel, and a small strip of skin all immersed in "fluid". The only part of an ear that I have ever seen disected were the ear bones. They are gross. The "fluid" is gross. The tiny villi (fingerlike hairs that sense vibration covering your nasty inside the fluid ear parts) are gross. Everything. It's not much better than what you see on the outside. No wonder God hid them behind hair. No wonder we put shiny pretty things on the most lower part of ears. All to distract or hide our hideous ears!

Thanksgiving/ My Birthday

I had a really good Thanksgiving/Birthday. Adam, Abby, and Joshua had flowers sent to me on Wednesday. It included all of my favorite kinds of flowers and it smelled wonderful. On Thanksgiving Adam changed all of the poopy diapers in the nighttime. We went and played Turkey Bowl. I went for my first run since Joshua was born. It felt really good for the most part. Then we played at the park. Later Adam's parents came by the house. They brought me balloons with money in the balloons! It was FANTASTIC!!!
Later that day we went to Becca's for Thanksgiving. We ate and ate and ate. Before the games began Everyone in Indiana called and wished me a Happy Birthday. I was really surprised that they remembered and that they took the time during Thanksgiving to call me. I really enjoyed it. Then I played Apples to Apples and gluttened myself on Pumpkin Jelly Rolls. We got home and went to bed.
Well sort of. The kids went to bed while Adam and I planned our Black Friday attack. I got up a couple of hours after I went to bed. I have to admit that I got some pretty amazing deals. And I also had a lot of fun. And I am finished shopping for my family. YAY!
Then last night we ordered pizza and had a fire in the fireplace. We all fell asleep together on the floor by the fireplace. It was really nice. Just a really nice past couple of days.

Menu Plan Monday on Thursday instead and other stuff

So for the rest of the week we are going to have
Meatloaf w/cheese tortilini
7 layer bean dip
Chicken A la King from the Kraft Website

CVS Deal
I went to CVS for the first since I was about 35 weeks pregnant. Kind of dropped the ball eh? I did their spend $20 (4 packages) on Duracell Batteries and get $15 EB. What they don't advertise is at the check out counter they have coupons that they scan that make it even cheaper. I spent about 3.70 each time. I did it three times cool hu!

Walmart
So walmart price compares but I have never tried it with meat. This week Albertsons has 93% lean hamburger on sale for 2.99, and I got it for that price at Walmart even though it was on a 3 lb package. I still bought 3 lb but in 1 lb increments and got each package for 2.99

Working out
It hasn't really happened yet. I have jogged a few steps but that is about it. I have looked through the Hurst Happenings guide and there are a few classes that I am interested in taking to jumpstart my working out. In the mean time I am on my own. I keep saying that I going to get up early and go workout but inevitably when Josh is awake at 5 for an hour I tell myself I can sleep in. I think that the next time I go to the library I will rent a workout dvd so that I can do something. Maybe I will try out the exercise on-demand thing that mom and dad have. I'll post later and say how it goes.

Josh
He is getting big! I weighed him at home almost a week ago and he was 12+ lbs! He is definitely an eater. He has a rash. It seems to disturb only me. I don't think that a doctor would do anything for it besides tell me to eat differently and wash his clothes in Dreft, both of which I am already doing.

Abby
I think that maybe we are starting to get back into a routine. Which is good for potty training. I am able to leave the house more, which she likes, and helps her to relax when we are at home. She has slept a couple of nights all the way through this week which was nice. Hopefully it will turn into an every night affair!

Adam
Adam has received two offers, so far, to fill out secondary applications! YAY! One is in Georgia and the other is in Washington DC. We are still waiting for a quite a few other schools to either reject or invite. He has also unofficially passed his part of accreditadation for his company! Yay!

Why Doesn't the World Just Stop

I remember at Grandpa's funeral how surreal everything was. Looking at Grandma it just seemed like the world should stop. And even though it slowed down and she didn't have to worry about food for a short time, somehow time slipped by. You could tell that the days were short and the hours, minutes, even seconds were longer than they had ever been before. I remember for me it seemed particularly poignant when she recieved the American flag from the soldier, and then laid the red rose on his casket before watching him lowered into the ground. Time should have stopped long before then, but the moments were only shorter. And then they were too long. She was broken. Part of her still living in the moments where she found Grandpa and part of her learning to live without him.
I felt the duality of moments after Abby was born. And again after Josh was born. It seems unfair that my body can't be fully healed immediately after birth so that I can enjoy each precious moment. It seems unfair that I can't magically be rested despite of the night I've had before. I can't even retain maturity without sleep. I wanted the world to stop and wait after Abby was born. I wanted it so badly. To be healed before anything more happened. Now I realize that I missed a lot of opportunities and so while I wish it for Josh I certainly am not waiting for it like I did with Abby. I try very hard to live in this moment and cope with its ups and downs instead of living in the painful moments of labor or the restless moments of the night. My duality is a far happier duality than Grandma's. My before and after's are bitter sweet. I miss the days of just Adam and of just Abby but I am so happy for Abby and Josh. I'm certain that Grandma just wishes for her before, for her Donald. I remember her lamenting out loud and often. "Can't we resurrect him now?" "I just can't spare him" "Can't I just die now" Ironically I never before identified so much with my Grandma. I've felt that way before.

Here is a link to some newborn pictures of Joshua http://www.growingfamily.com/webnursery/hospitals/Baylor/babypage_view.asp?URLid=8526425487 . Here is a link to 2 week old pictures of Joshua and Abby http://smilestore.picturepeople.com/my/images?cg=207294587118602924 .

Joshua had his 2 week appointment last week. I decided that I don't like my pediatrician. In the hospital the pediatrician told me he was yellow and probably jaundice. I told him that I thought he was pink. He said that I should consider supplementing because Josh lost 1 oz too many in the hospital. I told him I had plenty of milk. He also gave me this long lecture about how efficiently run his office is. Well it turns out that Josh was way below the bilirubin limit, he gained a whole pound over his birth weight by two weeks and I waited over an hour in his office. He was unneccesarily rough with Joshua too. Poor little guy. This is same office saw Abby for her 3 y/o check up at the same time Josh had his 2 week check up. They check her cholesterol and told me it was high at 200. Then they wanted to give her a fasting cholesterol test. I asked what they would do if the fasting one turned out the be high. They said they would suggest dietary changes. Adam and I decided that this would be too invasive since we could just watch what Abby eats a little closer. Actually I have been watching what I normally feed her and I just don't think it needs to change. I just don't think that this is the emergency that they were making it out to be. Either way I am going to find a new pediatrician anyway.

Abby, after having regressed, is getting better. We are potty training AGAIN. But it is going much more smoothly this time. She is also getting better about sleeping through the night. Again. She still asks to nurse for which I have no good response. I feel like telling her that she is too old would just enhance the desire. Mostly I just try to change the subject. The biggest challenge I feel like I am facing with her right now is teaching her to be quiet and gentle around Joshua.

There's so much more to write about. Josh lost his cord when he was 13 days old. He had a rash. It's getting better. I think that Abby is allergic to Ranch, since her rash finally went away after not having ranch for a day or two. This is quite tragic since she loves ranch. I guess that will cut out some cholesterol anyway. Josh is crying and it's bed time.

Joshua Kelsey-Aaron Brown

It's been a little over a week since Josh arrived. We went in the night before and I was given some pills to start labor. It worked around 4:30 am as previously stated. I didn't use any pain medication until I was a 6 or a 7 and then I had stadol. I thought that it would be nice to use pain medication during transition. I learned that pain medications stall my labor. And that hitting transition stalls my labor. We called Becca sometime around noonish it seems and she was with me and Adam until Josh was born. It was really nice to have her there. Both Adam and Becca did a lot to help me. So did the nurses. I had really good nurses this time around. I ended up with Pitocin around 3 or 4 it seems. Transition, when it finally hit, was the single most painful thing I have ever experienced. We also had to turn Josh from posterior to anterior. As soon as he was anterior it was time to push. It took me a while but I finally did it. In the end I was really glad to have done it without an epidural. All in all it was about 14 hours.
Admittedly this is not a well composed blog. I had VERY little sleep last night. Anyway my biggest fear came after transistion when someone said they needed to get ready. I paniced and thought that they were going to do a C-Section. I felt so defeated at that moment, ready to but too tired to fight. It was in the back of my mind the whole time that I was going to end up with a C-Section. I remember asking what they were getting ready to do and someone finally replied that they were getting ready for me to give birth. That was probably the most relieving thing for me personally.
My biggest fear for Josh was when he came out and didn't breathe right away. It seemed like an eternity before he started crying. Becca and Adam later told me that the nurse paged the NICU but by the time they got there everything was okay and Josh was breathing just fine, with an APGAR of 8/9. We asked Dr Wai about it and he said it wasn't a big deal; that if anyone gets the feeling that something is wrong then that person goes ahead and calls the NICU. I wonder if they didn't call the NICU because it was a really tight fit for Josh to come out and it had been a long labor. I don't know. Dr Wai's explanation seemed weak to me.
The recovery was remarkably better. It was awesome to walk on my own, go to the bathroom on my own, be able to move my body on my own...I was pretty loopy until I came home from the hospital. The IV drugs definately took their toll but not worse than an epidural. Also I was taking oral narcotics while I was in the hospital after I gave birth. But everything was so much better. I was a lot less swollen and far more mobile. So the experience was much better this time. This, by the way, is not an anouncement of intent to do it again.
Josh is a wonderful baby. He is very handsome and melts my heart. Big sister Abby can not resist him either. It is so fun and exciting to have a baby again. Even though I am exhausted and broken I still love taking care of my babies.
(BTW spell check is not working so this is how I spell when I am very tired. Pitiful eh?)

SO FAR

SO FAR I HAVE BEEN CONTRACTING SINCE ABOUT 4:30 AM. IT HASN'T CHANGED A LOT, BUT ENOUGH THAT I AM STAVING OFF PITOCIN. I JUST HAD MY WATER BROKEN AND SO EVERYTHING SHOULD START MOVING FASTER (?) HOPEFULLY. DEFINATELY MORE PAINFUL.

Everything will be better tomorrow...

Ahem. Anyway it might be. Yesterday I was a complete and total wreck. Needless to say for those who were around. I slept horribly last night. But I feel a little better today. I don't know why. I just got back from my dr appointment. He said nothing had changed. This news is especially disheartening because I have been in pain and having contractions, although they are irregular. This news was heralded with the fact that since last Tuesday I have grown 2cm more. I can feel the strain on my body of this child just gestating and getting bigger and bigger. So the pains that I have been experiencing were not labor pains, simply growing pains. Now I just hope that he is not too big.
On the brighter side I will go in tonight to try some tablets to get things going. If that does not work then he will break my water. Ultimately I suppose we will do pitocin and if all else fails at some point they will cut me open and pry the little darling out. I may die first. For the first time Dr Wai, although he says it will be 'excruciatingly painful' seemed supportive of not getting an epidural. So wish me luck for tomorrow.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IVY!!!

Do you want a Redo?

Since I have cancelled my induction and ALL of the previous guesses were wrong I thought I would invite you all to cast a second guess. I already bought the prize so it seems like a waste not to have someone be right. Dr Wai has rescheduled my induction for Tuesday, but who knows what I'll actually do right? I'm not even sure at this point if I will show up for it. For fairness sake I feel like I should say that last checked (Tuesday) I'm at 2 and 50% and -1.

If I could I would...A Rant

So whenever I run into an old man (defined by the partially bald, gray hair) I am harrassed. I went to WalMart today and my friendly greeter asked me when I was due. I told him today. He got flushed and nervous and said he didn't know what to do about that but he thought someone here would probably know...after all there are lots of women here. I'm not kidding almost verbatim what this man threw up out of his mouth. I calmed his public anxiety attack by telling him that labor would take a lot longer than what it takes me to shop. When I finished walking at the track on Tuesday I went to pick my card up. Again another old man. He literally thanked me for not having the baby while I was walking up there and expressed to me his grave concern that he would have to deliver my baby. Like 20 minutes is all it takes to get a kid out. I told him that he wasn't out of the woods yet and that he and I might end up on the evening news together. Grrrr. Don't get me wrong I receive comments and stares from all people, but the most outrageous comments are from old men.
Rant #2
So recently I have come to realize that my biggest bias against people isn't particularly your looks but your smell. Somehow in the cross hairs of my mind I have come to assimilate largeness with smelliness but an epiphany occured when I found myself thinking that a stinky person was fat. And they weren't. They were just stinky. On the flip side if you don't smell then I generally don't think of you as big, large or fat. Even if you are. I have put a lot of thought into the stinky thing recently.
If you mention that someone is stinky then you are considered shallow, like if someone is fat. But what happened to the responsibility of the smelly person to do their best not to offend. Why is it that I am expected to suffer with my eyes watering not saying anything about the lack of hygiene? Why is it not socially acceptable for me to request a more friendly hygiene regiment? Why is it more rude of me to ask someone to shower than for them to not shower in the first place? This also goes for the more often offense of poor oral hygiene. I genuinely do not know why it is so out of place to voice my discomfort. I know that I have my smelly moments. Like after I workout, or before I shower in the morning, or on hot Texas days when the only way to avoid sweating is the removal of sweat glands...But there is the effort factor. I am not talking about intermitent or circumstantial smelliness. I am talking about the offense of poor hygiene. I am tired of suffering in smelly silence. I want to feel free to tell you if you smell, and if you are younger than me I probably already have.
Some of you maybe wondering what exactly brought this on. Let me just simply state that I have found that inconsistent and poor hygiene is rampant. I have found it in every place, generation, and culture. It can be a lack of education, a family thing, an individual thing, a group thing...there does not seem to be a group of caste of people that is untouched by nasty hygiene by some individuals or groups; much like drugs.

My Big Decision

So I spent a lot of this morning and afternoon in a quandry. I just didn't feel right about being induced tomorrow. I felt really nervous and unsure. I prayed and didn't feel any better about going through with it. And it was the daytime so I wasn't in agony. That always helps. I just felt really sure that if I wait a few more days that maybe he will come on his own-which is what I have been praying for. So I cancelled the induction. I was immediately rescheduled for Tuesday or so. I'm not sure exactly when. Dr Wai apparently doesn't like to let mom's go more than a few days after their due date. This is attributed to the break down of the placenta. I think that being induced next week would be okay. Ofcourse I said that last week too. So no baby. No induction tomorrow. I feel a lot less nervous and scared. I didn't realize how much stress it was causing me until I started to feel excited about cancelling it. Hopefully this is the right decision. Hopefully everything will just happen and I won't face an induction date again.

No baby yet...

I'm up at 2:30 am because my back hurts really really bad. I've tried rubbing it and all sorts of things but it just won't go away. Could William and Becca be in a dead heat? Probably not. Probably this is just another sleepless night. I have had a lot of these, although tonight is particularly bad. Dr Wai predicted today as well. I guess there are still 21.5 hours left in the day. There might still be hope that my next sleepless night is caused by and infant and not incredible pain.

Names are Never a Sure Thing

Anyway for a lengthier discussion you can check out Adam's blog. The name that he did come up with that I still really like is Joshua Kelsey. I even already wrote it on the blanket. So that will most likely be his given name. Ofcourse we will call him Batman. Continue to post your predictions on my website. If you are right I will send you some batman themed bag of candy (it is Halloween time I should be able to find something...) Thank you to everyone who has predicted so far. No one has predicted my actual due date/induction date.

I was originally scheduled to be induced on the 13th but changed it to my due date of October 16th for a few reasons. I want those extra couple of days. It would kill me to know that if I had just held out a day or two more that I could go on my own. I just feel like I owe myself to go until then. It works out better for Adam too. This way he will be done with Cancer Conference and won't have to worry about how it goes. The only time he left on a Wednesday it was not good. So this way he will have a day or two back at work before he has to do the Cancer Conference again. Also I am nervous about being induced in general. Even though we have scheduled it for the 16th I might push it back again. I'll just have to wait until next week to see how I feel.
I know that I am facing a big baby. But the last time I had pitocin and an epidural it was no good. I never want to do that to my body again. I hope to at least avoid the epidural. I am going to ask for something else first. I decided my first line of defense will be Tylenol. That's what I usually take when I have migraine. I am too much of a wimp to take much more than that. I have a greater fear of pain medications than pain. If I think that I am going to cry with a migraine then I will take Aleve. So after Tylenol I will try the IV drugs. I guess if I am still in labor and the IV drugs don't work then I will as a last resort go for the epidural.

The other thing deterring me from an epidural is my previous experience with Pinnacle Anesthesiologists. This is the name of the group that is contracted with the hospital I will deliver at. When I had the D and C a year ago they billed me 6 weeks after I had the surgery. The letter said the amount due and a due date of 30 days later. 1 week later I received another bill stating that I was past due. Less than 1 week after that I received a bill stating that I was in danger of going to collections. It had not even been 9 weeks since my surgery nor 3 weeks since my original letter nor had the original due date passed. But I was in danger of going to collections. When I called the billing office they said that they had no control over the situation and that the best thing for me to do in order to avoid going to collections was to pay the bill in full. They could not alter their computer to reflect the original due date that was stated in my first letter. They could not alter their computer to put my account in good standing. They also said they could not alter their computers to not make months equal to weeks. They also could not work out a payment plan that would put my account in good standing with them. Grr so thinking about dealing with them again will hopefully help my resolve to not have an epidural.

Predictions...

This is really premature but I just checked the weather for Hurst and there is a Thunderstorm predicted for Oct 6!!! Maybe then I will have my 7 lb 12 oz , 22 inch baby. Anyway that's what I'm predicting Oct 6, during the T-storm I will go into labor. Maybe he will come on Laura's birthday depending on how long the labor lasts... Come on lucky Laura...

Kickboxer is breaking my bones

I'm trying to concentrate on other things besides the kickboxer. Sometimes I think that I could last 3 more weeks, other times I think that 3 more minutes is unbearable. There is no news. No signs that he is on his way. So hopefully I'll start having the feeling that I can last 3 more weeks instead of not 3 more minutes.

Abby is doing very well with potty training. We are not perfect but I am washing more dry panties than wet or dirty! The biggest difference in her having an accident vs not is how well she sleeps the night before. If she is well rested, we are good. If she is not then I already know to be on the defensive. I am just happy to be at a point where there is something I can pinpoint that makes a difference! I do not know what will happen when kickboxer makes his debut. We may be right back in diapers. I hope not.

Abby is in preschool. She is doing very well. She can't really write but she practices making circles a lot. Sometimes she will draw lines but I guess they are not as fun. I was looking at a drawing of hers that I saved from 10/30/07. It was just scribbles. Now she is drawing faces, limbs, and hands. She begs me to help her draw houses with grass and princesses holding pigs and flowers in their hands. Very cute. Very fun.

She has discovered play dough. So far it hasn't been too messy. Much easier to sweep up some play dough than to put the entire house back together. She loves it. A lot. I got her a bag that had 4 cans of dough and a couple of little tools. She loves them. But what she loves most is making a garden. She shapes her playdough into a great big lump and puts her crayons, paper, whatever she can in it. This is her playdough garden.

Working out is getting wimpier. I still do 30 minutes of cardio. No more running. I dream of running, but I just can't make myself do it. So after my 30 minutes of wimpy cardio on one of the machines I do a few weight machines. I'm down to about 3. Then I go. That's it. That's all. That's what my work-out has become. One fun thing about being this pregnant and working out is combating the comments I get from the old man that mans the front desk. He always asks me if I am going to have the baby while I'm working out. I never say no. I just always say that I think we might be in for an adventure. One of these days the mean streak is going to win out and I am going to pour some water in between my legs and double over with a very loud scream. As if giving birth could happen that fast for me. But he doesn't know that.

Sleeping isn't much better. I count it a good night if I can only remember waking up 3 times or less. I know that with a newborn that would be an incredible night of sleep. But at the same time I hope that I have better quality of sleep when I do sleep after having the baby. Right now I feel awake with hip and back pain and restless dreams. The air conditioning (yes, we live in TX and we still have the AC on) wakes me up. Rolling over requires a small forklift. Then there is Abby who has been waking up early in the morning swearing that the upstairs is infested with monsters and ghosts. And not going back to sleep. Sunday morning she got up at about 6 am and sat there for an hour trying to pick the monsters off of me. I clipped her finger nails later that day.

So that is how things are going for now. Hopefully my next post will be more exciting and less whiny.

Grouchy and ready to loose weight

I keep going back and forth about being induced. It is so tempting to give this little guy an eviction notice. On the other hand all of the complications strike a very deep fear with me. My worst fear, next to death, is a c-section. Not because of any natural cord or a need to do it all on my own. This is a two part fear. #1 Surgery is scary and I really dislike the idea of somebody pulling out and then putting back my intestines. I hear that they never quite go back to how they were before, you know. #2 It seems like a c-section would be the most expensive way to have a baby. Inducing is also more expensive than just letting the kid come out. And there are all sorts of complications, a handful of which I have experienced already. But I also really want this kid out. If I let him induce me then I will push out a smaller baby. He might be here sooner. I can plan for a babysitter for Abby. I can make sure that all of my laundry is done and that everything upstairs is how I want it when I come home...So far all that I have decided is to ask Dr Wai to strip my membranes as soon as possible.
Dr Wai keeps filling my head with fairytales that second births are easier. I don't know. Maybe in general, but my body doesn't operate according to norms. It kind of has its own ideas. I fully expect this birth to be hard and brutal. I think that everytime I give birth I will feel like I am risking my life. I also expect to fight, really fight, to loose every pound I have gained. For some reason my body clings onto things like the "weight of the placenta" and the "weight of the extra blood" even the "weight of the baby" like it is really "weight of the extra jiggly fat that takes multiple physical workouts that rivals an a-bomb to remove 1/2 lb". At least I am prepared to make that battle. Last time I waited six months for the miracle of breast feeding to set in. Ha ha.
So also I am very grouchy. Everyday I feel like my period is going to start but it doesn't. Everyday I feel swollen and crampy and moody. I feel like subjecting people to my mood is probably torture. I have very little cheeriness to expend. Right now I am saving it all up to teach preschool tomorrow.

Ask Your Mom Before you Click on this Link...

I don't know how everyone would feel about this clip for their children, and I watched it late at night. So watch it first before letting your kids watch it. It is an SNL clip with Tina Fey as Sarah Palin and Amy Poehler as Senator Clinton. They are giving a joint press conference about feminism. It is pretty funny. http://www.hulu.com/watch/34465/saturday-night-live-palin--hillary-open#s-p1-st-i1

Menu Plan Monday...

Menu Plan Monday!!!

1. Monday: anadian Bacon Pizza Loaf http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Canadian-Bacon-Pizza-Loaf
2. Tuesday: Bacon and Eggs
3. Wednesday: Made over Chicken Tetrazzini http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf/recipes/made-over-chicken-tetrazzini-91364.aspx
4. Thursday: Hamburgers
5. Friday: Macaroni and Cheese/ Leftovers
6. Saturday: Cheese Tortellini w/ spaghetti sauce
7. Sunday: up to mom, biffy, becca or whoever is willing to cook

TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY AND KATHERINE'S BIRTHDAY

TODAY IS TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY AND KATHERINE'S BIRTHDAY!!! Ahoy matey, Katherine, Happy Birrrrthdayyy! arrrggg.

HE'S HUGE

Today I went in for a routine ultrasound and first weekly check-up at the doctors office. Abby and I went to the ultrasound and saw baby brother, or batman. He is head down (yay!). Apparently he is also quite hairy. I got a couple of cute pictures of him. His stomach is literally as big as his head. Literally. Which is why they think that at 36 weeks he is already 6lb 15 oz. My friend Heather had the same doctor. He estimated that her baby was 1 1/2 lbs smaller than what he actually ended up being. Dr Wai said that if I go full term that I would have an 8+ baby. I don't think I can get that out without surgical intervention. So ofcourse he brought up inducing. I am very scared to have a big baby. I am also very scared to have pitocin again. My simple request here is that you all start praying that I'll have my baby. Like next week. Next week would be good. I am truly terrified of giving birth again.

Menu Plan Monday...

1. Monday: Italian Chicken (never got around to it)
2. Tuesday: Shrimp Scampi (from Taste of Home Magazine pg 19 fall 2005)
3. Wednesday: Bacon, Cheese, Tomato Crescents http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf/recipes/bacon-cheese-tomato-crescents-109523.aspx
4. Thursday: Tacos
5. Friday: French Toast
6. Saturday: Whatever Grandma, Kristy, and Biffy decide (Sandwiches or take-out)
7. Sunday: Whatever Grandma, Becca, and Biffy decide

Just Between Friends

http://jbfsale.com/?fuseaction=home.subsites&siteid=2003110422051614 - This is a link to find just between friends in your area. Here is one for my area: http://nrichlandhills.jbfsale.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.showevent&eventid=2005062713401432&siteid=2004011014333494

Sarah Palin throws me for a loop

I'm not entirely sure how to feel about Sarah Palin. I've read a few biographies from different sources and heard parts of her speech at the Republican convention. I've heard A lot of bias commentary trying to interpret her and I've seen her on all the tabloids that are usually filled with starving actresses and their babies. I've seen compelling pictures of her dressed up beautifully and pictures of her in her sweats. I've seen her with her oldest son, who is in the armed forces, and her youngest son who still lays in her arms.
All this and so far nothing about her "tough" politics. How much will her inexperience benefit Washington? How much will it cost? Who will she try and fire for corruption? How will Congress respond to her? Will she be able to negotiate and get along well enough with 'Washington' to pass legislation? How will she affect foreign policy? Will she have enough international respect to be an effective leader? Will she have enough respect in Washington to be an effective leader? She's tough when she is speaking in front of a crowd, but how will she respond on a more personal level behind closed doors? I have a lot of questions. I guess I need to search it out more. In the meantime I'm kind of thrown out there. I just don't know.

Menu Plan Monday...

I think I will start doing this. Here is what we have done so far and will do for the rest of the week...

1. Monday: Failed pork chops- turned into cold cereal night
2. Tuesday: Kraft http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf/recipes/tater-topped-casserole-111257.aspx Tator-topped casserole
3. Wednesday: Left overs (choose from tator-topped casserole or spinach/mushroom lasagna)
4. Thursday: Steaks on the BBQ
5. Friday: Soup and sandwiches
6. Saturday: Italian-marinated Chicken
7. Sunday: Whatever Becca and I decide

Back Country of Austin

After the baby shower things did not slow down. Adam and I had a dinner date with our good friends, Ben and Stephanie Harvey. They were able to sell their house so it was a celebration of sorts. It was really fun and I hope we get to do it again.
After dinner Adam and I rushed home, packed, and headed for Austin to visit Larry and Teresa. They actually live outside of Austin in the country. They have a beautiful ranch that they built a nice house on. We got there at 2 am! What a day. Most of the time, it seems, we spent relaxing at the ranch. They have 2 dogs, Pete the pitbull and Darla the puppy. They have several cats. Abby's favorite was Bob, a yellow calico looking cat. It was really nice to go and be spoiled for a weekend. I helped with dishes once! Thank you so much Teresa, that was such a nice break! We went shopping in the historic area of a small town near where they lived and ate lunch on a river restaurant. Then we headed to the "Lake House", took a nap, watched football and had some dinner. By Sunday we were all pretty sacked so we went to church with Larry (Teresa was sick) and stayed at the house for the rest of the day. I have to say that one of my most favorite times was taking a Sunday evening walk around the ranch. I have some really gorgeous pictures that I will post later. It was fantastic weather and comfortable all around. On Monday we headed out to Austin to visit the capitol. Again we have pictures to post. It was really fun to go and see Texas's capitol. I think that daddy would like it a lot. Then we headed out for lunch at a very nice restaurant where we said our goodbye's to Larry, Teresa, and crew. It was a great visit.

Last Thursday

Last Thursday Adam's office held a baby shower for me. It was so wonderful! I had always understood that you are only supposed to have one baby shower for your first child unless there are unusual circumstances (twins, big spaces between children, having a 4 or 5th child...) so it was really unexpected. It seemed like everyone was there. Yordi and Terry held the shower for me and it was really posh. They had a HUGE cake, brisket, fruit and vegetables, crackers and cheese, cookies... Tons of different things to drink. It was really well done. I really appreciated their efforts in putting it together and for everyone who participated.

Utah

So much has happened in the last month and it is not slowing down. Last weekend Adam and I went to visit Aaron, Katherine, and Julianna. We had a blast. Abby stayed in Texas with Grandma. That too was very awesome (thank you Grandma). We had such a small amount of time but I feel like we got to spend some good time with the Tilleys. We made a pit stops everywhere else. I'll post some pictures and details later.

This weekend we are headed out to Austin and then we are done traveling until I have the baby. I'm pretty excited. It will also mark getting into a routine and being able to prepare for the baby. Next week we will start gymnastics and start working on preschool.

Working out took a noticable dive this week. Last week I struggled through a 3 mile run and then was sick for the last two days of my workout. Today was my first workout of the week and I could hardly make it a mile before the ligaments holding up my ginormous belly felt like they were going to snap. This with both a belly band and a belly belt. I wussed out and went for the crosstrainer. I'll try to run again later this week. My goal was 2 miles but we'll see. I'm just surprised at how quickly I've become uncomfortable. Last week all of my shirts fit and this week it doesn't feel like any of them fit.

I thought I would Ask

I thought I would ask all ye parents out there what you thought of this http://www.housefairy.org/index.php website. Do you think that the house fairy would be worth $13?

Okay Okay It's the Olympics

The other reason that I have not been posting is because I have been watching the olympics. I'm pretty stoked about swimming, gymnastics, and running this year. I love watching Michael Phelps, ofcourse. It will be awesome to watch him win #8 tomorrow. I know more about the olympians in general this year. Woefully I do not like watching volleyball. If I did I would be in heaven because it feels like it is on all the time. Overall I am really enjoying it.

Abby and Adam are sick

That is why I am not posting.

Abby's Birthday

Abby's birthday wiped me out. And her. I would love to go on strike and not do anything for a month. But tomorrow is Adam's birthday. And we have swim lessons. and and and. the list goes on.

It started early in the morning when Abby woke up. We gave her two presents, a princess Barbie (Erika) and a Cinderella Bath Barbie that changes colors in the water. Then Daddy and Mommy took her to the donut shop to eat breakfast before Daddy went to work. After that we ran a few errands before swim lessons started. We went to swim lessons and then ran a few more errands.

When we got home Abby got to sit down and watch tv while eating ravioli and peaches. Then she played with her Barbies for a while. Next Abby and mommy went swimming. The Steers Herd minus Ben came and took over while I went and decorated the cake and picked up the pizza. We ate pizza at the pool and got home in time to meet Mimi and Granddad.

We all sang "Happy Birthday" to Abby and she blew out the candles on her princess cake. We all ate cake and ice cream. Then we opened presents. She got books from her uncles on Adam's side and a princess bike and helmet from Mimi and Granddad. Sara and Ivy gave Abby her most favorite presents of Barbie's and Barbie accessories. Far too much to list here. Grandpa and Grandma got Abby a nice card and as she squeeled "MONEY!!!".

After everyone left Abby went upstairs and played with her Barbies quietly while Adam and I put up her new curtains, pillows, and sheet set. I made the curtains and 9 pillows and we bought the sheet set. Then we corralled her into bed. She was exhausted and barely made it through scriptures and prayer. She had a good time.

I can't believe she is three. I am so glad that she is mine and that she is not ready to leave yet. It was so fun to spend her third birthday with her.

A List In Progress

Adam asked for this list and this seems like a good place to keep it.
It is a list in progress ofcourse but is getting more comprehensive everyday.

• crib sheets
• contoured diaper pad
• contoured diaper pad sheets
• Boy receiving blankets
• Boy blankets
• Socks of all sizes
• 1-2 boy bath towels
• washclothes
• bath soap
• Boy toys
• I have a lot of newborn and size 1 diapers
• Any other helpful things you had with your boys

Newborn/ 0-3 (Fall)

• blessing outfit
• nice church outfit
• rompers/sleep 'n' play/ casual clothes for around the house
• I do have a one piece winter covering for him that will last for 6 months just in case...

3-6 Months (Winter-ha ha)

• 1-2 pack onesies, (I have about 6 long sleeved onesies)
• rompers/sleep 'n' play/ casual clothes for around the house
• 2-3 more pajamas

6 + Months (summer)

• Everything except shorts for 6-9 months

Like I said before this is not a comprehensive and final list. Rather a list in progress. I have looked through the clothes I have and feel that this is a good list as far as that goes. I do have a car seat, crib, baby bouncer and exersaucer we will be reusing for the big items. I think that I can find my old diaper bag...I am not sure if I still have a traveling diaper station. I will be making a diaper stacker this week.

The Set-Up

I will finish Abby's curtains and hopefully a couple of the pillows for her 'new room'. For the last two nights Abby has been sleeping in her own room and bed. Also we changed from a 9:30 or so bedtime to an 8:30 lights out bedtime about 2 or 3 weeks ago. This has made a huge difference in my life. I LOVE IT. We start bedtime at about 8:00 and are done by 8:30. She doesn't have to sleep but she does have to be in bed. We got her a little night-lite that she can turn on and off in the shape of a star that hangs above her bed. Then we have a few that are just plugged in. So bedtime is going a lot better. I am surprised at how quickly and nicely she has adapted to this new schedule. Seems to be good for everyone.
The potty training front is an entirely different story. We have been doing this for about a month straight so far. She has had a few token days without any accidents but still has an average of 1-2 pee accidents a day. However, if I don't take her she doesn't just go to the potty. She never makes it for a bm. Never tries. I have tried potty treats, stickers, songs, new panties, racing to the potty for fun, books on the potty, making her clean up after herself...In general all begging and pleading that I can think of. She will tell me if she has a pee accident but not a bm accident. Neither are upsetting to her. I am confident that she can tell beforehand that she needs to pee or to have a bm. However she will not tell me if she has to go and will vehemently deny needing to potty most of the time. So I just take her at regular intervals with varying degrees of excitement or distress on her part. I have no idea. I don't want to go back to diapers, I don't want to give up. But I also don't want to clean up after her anymore. Every week I just keep saying I'll stick it out for one more week and see how it goes. I keep trying to invent ways for it to be fun and exciting. I keep holding out for successes. But I am getting discouraged and tired. Diapers are becoming appealing. And she doesn't seem to care at all.

Updates

Abby finished swim lessons. She was advanced to the Pre-K level and may advance to level one when we go to swim lessons again starting next week. She went off the slide and diving board and loved it. Also she is potty training and doing great this time. I think it will stick.

Adam took the MCAT and is currently applying to a few md and do programs. Texas has a 'match' program so we may not find out if he is accepted until Feb. Also we purchased a used car for Adam to drive. It is the Hyundai Elantra that I blogged about earlier. It was a great deal and has worked out great.

Our little boy is getting bigger and much much more active. I went to the doctor today and he said everything is great. We are the right bigness. He was so wiggly that the doctor had to trap him to listen to his heart. Not comfortable for mom. Baby is good. Doctor said it is okay to keep working out. It is getting more difficult to run. I have added a full minute to my mile and with breaks my 'long run' is officially shorter than my 5k. I'm thinking about scaling down my milage a bit and doing more eliptical stuff. We'll see.

I am trying to prepare for this little boy to come in October while balancing Abby stuff. So far I have a lot of good luck at garage sales (thanks to Heather), and a lot of things donated (thanks Kelly), and a few things bought new at the stores. Abby is moving to a twin bed soon, probably will be part of her birthday. So all of these things and general bargain hunting have been consuming most of my energy.

What's Wrong With Me?

Lately I have just felt weird. Out of place everywhere I go. Like a fish out of water. It feels like a significant amount of my life has been spent searching for home. And here I am again. I just want to go home. I just want to feel like I am home.

Yesterday, things that I would find helpful as long as I don't forget...

Yesterday I wrote a blog but it was unable to be saved because my server couldn't contact blogger. Grrrrr and it was all lost. So here it is, the second less passionate things I need to remember.

Using soap scum remover on my razor makes it sharper and last longer

Drinking water before eating sweets helps me eat less, true for meals as well

Eating a piece of fruit, drinking water and waiting 15 minutes helps take cravings away

Do not, I repeat, do not eat a snickers or any other candy as a reward for working out. You will NOT lose weight.

Walmart price matches with most other stores. Also if you want to get less than or an odd amount of a x/$x then price compare at Walmart. They do not care if you buy the allotted number. However, they do not give you the bogo deals or get anything free or a % off.

Coupons really do save money. Especially if they double or triple, something Walmart does not do. But Albertsons and Krogers do.

I lose more weight by weight lifting than I do running. And weight lifting is easier to do when you are tired. So split my time postpartum with more weight training and less running. Until I am less jiggly because running is just more fun.

If you have good shampoo and conditioner you really don't have to condition everyday. Also a smaller bottle lasts longer than a bigger cheaper bottle.

Sometimes Garage Sales are awesome. Sometimes they are not. But they are always fun when you go with a friend.

If I could magically...

If I could magically...

That's not uncommon

I went to the doctor today. I had one issue besides pregnancy and a cold. The doctor just said that it was common in second and third pregnancies, that it would get worse and worse and then really bad. Then it would get a little better and that it will never go away. Then he said, you sound sick. I said yeah. He said, that's gonna linger and take you a while to get over.

On the bright side Adam and I may have found a car to buy. We have an appointment to get it on Saturday morning. The deal is contingent on whether or not the current owners can find a new car to buy. I'm praying that they do. It will be an awesome deal if we get it.

Abby is in swim lessons. She is doing really well in them. I think that she is the youngest one in her class. Technically you have to be 3 to go in it but she was ready so they advanced her to the pre-K level. She does really well going all of the way under the water, kicking, and she now paddles. She won't quite jump off the side into the water. She still reaches for your hands. I'm not really sure why they teach them to jump into the side anyway since they yell at you when you do it during normal hours. Today we had our safety day because it there were Thunderstorms. It was really pleasant. Now it is blistering hot again.

From the Dumb Side

I was talking to one of four of my incredibly smart siblings. They were expressing the difficulty they have in respecting people of lesser intelligence. Now I have some experience on the other end. That is, the end of lesser intelligence. How do we cope with our stupidity? Do we understand that there are smarter people out there constantly annoyed at our existence? Do we understand that we, the stupids, are bringing down the earth's potential? Hardest of all, do we understand that our best is simply not good enough?

We cope with out stupidity a day at a time. We, the stupids, are often faced with our stupidity in hind sight. It is not as though we understand that our decisions are stupid at the time. This often leads to a lot of repenting everyday. You get good at saying sorry. You get good at taking responsibility, or accepting the blame. It might even take us a day or so to understand why it was our fault but after sometime on the stupid side you learn to just know that it was.

Some of us, most of us, are keenly aware that our stupidity annoys the intelligent side. Most often we are embarassed and wished that we were smarter. Sometimes we can find humor and make the intelligent side laugh, although this does come at a personal cost. Other times when we are jealous and mean spirited we use to frusterate and infuriate the intelligent side. We don't even have to try. Frusterating people is one of the few things that comes naturally to us.

I have yet to understand how I can compensate for my deterioration of the earth's potential. Although I may be a drain on human society I still feel that the commandment to procreate applies to me. So stopping the stupid gene is out. Maybe I am just too dumb think of a way. Genocide of the stupid people is unethical. I guess I just try my best everyday hoping that atleast my contribution to the negative side is less and less.

Lastly, yes we understand that we come up lacking even when we try the best. This has been the greatest lesson of my twenties. I take comfort in knowing that Heavenly Father loves me. That He made a plan for me so that when I come up lacking when I try my best there is someone there to save me- to make up for what I cannot on my own. This does not mean that when I fail a class that I still get to progress. It does not mean that I get what I was going for. It usually means that there is another way provided for me. It does mean that ultimately I will not be left behind and that someone will still be there helping me to understand when everyone else has given up.

Finally how can you as an intelligent person cope being around the stupids? I don't know. I'm too stupid.

Grandpa Haynie

Today Grandpa Haynie (Donald Lee Haynie) passed away. I remember him singing "I'm so pretty, so pretty and witty and gay!!!" after allowing me to "do his hair". I also remember him calling me "you-sell-us" and then spelling it so I would get it "U S E L E S S". Or Lzabeth. I always enjoyed it when he would pop his teeth out. I have appreciated his tireless work in family history and keeping the family connected with his viginettes. I'll always remember my father reading "grandpa stories" to us. I remember him sealing Adam and I in the Bountiful temple. I'm sad to know that I won't be recieving a phone call from Grandpa in October after my son is born asking me all of his information to be shared in the viginette. However I know that he is having a great time meeting all of the people that he researched for so long.

Middle Earth and Tattoo Day

The pool is open! Yay! Abby and I were there this last Saturday hanging out. As we entered the pool and got into the crowd I started to feel a little different. I noticed that EVERY adult had a tattoo. Not just half the people but really I was the only adult 18+ without a tattoo. I even looked for a sign that said "Tattoo Day".
I
n conjunction with this thought I have noticed that a lot of people here in Texas look like they crawled out from middle earth. They are freakish in someway. Actually I think that I maybe warped. My friend Alyssa blogged about the concept of a Monkeysphere quite sometime ago. Here is a wikipedia link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkeysphere There are much less than 150 people in my monkeysphere here in TX. And if you are not within my monkeysphere I think that you look like someone from middle earth. An alien of sorts. Human almost.

I also noticed that I am only a good judge of how beautiful or ugly you are when I still think that you belong to this middle earth. Once I have met you and made a decision about wether I like you then you are either beautiful or ugly. After you enter the monkeysphere it really doesn't matter what you actually look like to me, it just matters how I perceive you as a person. This makes it more difficult to overcome instances where I don't like you. Becuase then you are ugly. And often times it extends to offend my olfactory senses, where I think you stink. This makes is really difficult for people who I initially don't like to be liked by me. For instances there is this new missionary. He made me mad once because Abby had her little hand out to shake his hand and he walked by her like she was a pile of books. This happened twice. It made me really mad. I haven't liked him since. And now he is ugly and smelly. He tries really hard to be extra nice to me because I am really bad at hiding my disgust for him. This is true in other instances. I think that my church bully looks just like Lisa Simpsons bully. I wish I could find a cure for my nerd juice since I see her so often. But she is remarkably more ugly now than when she was in the Middle Earth category.

Update

Abby and I spent Memorial Weekend just where I wanted to be-at the pool. It was busy but fun was still had by us. Adam came with on Monday which was nice because I had a raging headache. Then we went to a BBQ at the Steers for what felt like just a moment because Adam wanted to get home and study for the MCAT, plus there was school the next day for young children.
So yep Adam took the MCAT on Tuesday. I'm really glad its over. So far he has only spent a little bit of Wednesday night at home and he just told me that he has to work tomorrow since he had Monday and Tuesday off. The other nights he spent at church. But it feels good that I can anticipate him to be home a little more often. Maybe. Or at least be a little less stressed. Maybe. He gets his scores in a month.
Abby is still wild. I've tried a lot of things to try and calm her down. Soothing music, telling her good things about her self, rewards for good behavior. Its come down to time out and losing privileges though. Time out has ended up being me holding her in time out. Every time. I just want the ear piercing screams at random to stop. If I could anticipate it that would be nice. It just seems like she is constantly destroying. I don't like it. Life is better when we are all happy and nice.
This week I hit 20 weeks. This pregnancy has been a lot different than with Abby. I had to buy maternity clothes this week. And wear them. I realized that I hate maternity clothes. I have a list of reasons why. 1)I can never tell if they fit or if they will continue to fit 2)Theoretically I will not be wearing them enough to justify spending enough money to buy the cuter nicer more expensive clothes that I like 3)They all make me look pregnant 4)They all come down to far in the front forcing me to wear 2 shirts when I am already hot plus its summer so I am even hotter 5)Everything is based on a tent, and it reminded me that I will be as big as the tent that I am wearing. There is more but you get the idea. I am still exercising. It is a solace but getting a little harder. I use a belly band when I run and that helps. For the last week my legs have been really sore even though I haven't increased my running or weights. I realized yesterday that it was because of the weight that I have gained. So I'll just stick it out. My goal is to workout 60 more times before I have the baby. We'll see how that goes. I have read a lot of stuff that says that it is worse to stop working out while you are pregnant than to never work out at all. Especially to stop working out toward the middle to end part or your pregnancy. So I feel pretty committed.
This little boy isn't nearly as active as Abigail was. Sometimes I am a little concerned because Abby constantly moved. I think also I don't have the same amount of time as I did with Abby to sit down and really concentrate or be still. I just feel like he is more mellow in general. I could be wrong or maybe just hopeful but I think that he will be more mild than Abby.

You will just have to read the post

WE

ARE

HAVING

A

BOY!!!

Church Bully

There's this person in my ward that I really do not like. I feel like they are always demeaning or defensive, and quite frankly rude. However, I'm sure it just boils down to personality differences. Anyway I happen to see this person more often than what I like. They turn up at play group and ofcourse they are active so I see them at church and other places. I always have the urge to just leave when they come. Today we just left. I tried to be nice but it was recieved harshly. It was close enough to the time that Abby and I had to come home anyway so we just left. This person is not a quiet person, so when they come around it feels like the demand attention from everyone. It's not like I could have a conversation with anyone else that does not include them. Because they are that kind of person. I don't know, it just bothered me today. I really tried to be nice and like I said they were not nice in return. This person has personally offended me before. However she seems to be nice to other people. It's like I have my own personal church bully. Yay.

Boy or Girl?

Tomorrow I find out if I am having a boy or a girl. For the record, because there is a small wager, I think that it might be a boy and Adam thinks that it may be a girl. Anybody else want to guess?

Well SInce you Asked...

On Sariah's blog William solicited help with an overactive Mary. Well since you asked...Abby is an active child as well. One thing has helped Abigail with any behavior issues and it's good for me too. Usually before she goes to sleep (either a nap or nighttime) I lay down and hold her and tell her of the things that she does well. I'm very specific. Like "You buckle your Sunday shoes so well, you really worked at it and now you can do it all by yourself!" or "You are so nice to your friends in Nursery, I saw you sharing a toy with Ethan." It's important to be specific I think. Also I keep going until she is asleep. I think that this gives her confidence and lets her know that I think she does a good job at a lot of things and that I know that she can do hard things. Like be good all the way through Sacrament meeting. It also reminds me of all of the amazing and wonderful things that she does. This helps me treat her like she is a good girl, becuase really she is, somedays I just need to say it out loud to recognize it.
Also for sacrament meeting I don't bring food or drinks at all anymore. I only bring the worlds most washable markers, a coloring book, and one reading book. When she is bored I try to have her sit on my lap and I try to explain to her what the speaker is saying. She's not perfect but she's getting a lot better.

Blab

Nothing terribly interesting has been going on in my life. Adam studies all of the time unless he is doing church stuff. One week and one day until the MCAT. We're all paid up and ready to go. So keep us in your prayers...I'm excited. Pressing shift five times in a row activates stick keys.
I read New Moon by Stephanie Meyer a few weeks ago. I severely neglected Adam and Abby. Ofcourse they were in on another's company. It was a fast and fun read. At the end of this book her writing style seemed repititive but I am still anxious to follow the story line. How, when and who will make Isabell a vampire? Will she decide she would rather be with Jacob? It took about a day to read it. Last year I had to put a limit on the number of books I could read in a year because I tend to stop doing anything else but read. So I decided on two, three if I really need it. This was my first book of the year. I am waiting for the end of my pregnancy to read the second one. Any suggestions?
Last month I didn't record what my new food was. I'm pretty sure that I tried one but I am not sure what it was. I still haven't made the Gnocci. I need to do that.

Garbage Men

Today is trash day. Coincidentally it is supposed to rain and not just a little bit. Our trashmen always throw the lids of our trash cans in our lawn so I stopped putting them on our trashcans when I put them out. So on days like today I feel kind of bad for trashmen. I can't think of a worse Texas day to pick trash up. The can is full of water and the trash is hot and decomposing and it must just be inevitable that you would get some of the icky trash water splashed or even poured onto you. What if some of it landed on your face or worse yet in your mouth? Not to mention how heavy it would be with water in it. I would be quite grouchy at the end of my day. And extra extra smelly.

comments

You still have to fill out the obnoxious letters that are all distorted to leave a comment on my blog. However you no longer need to be a registered user. Hopefully now you all can comment. :)

So What is he up to these days?

I realized that there is a lot of back blogging regarding Adam. Squadam. I'm kind of grouchy so this probably isn't the best time to write this blog but I can't think of any other time to do it. Some of you know that Adam had a job at HSBC last April, as a loan lender. Fortunately he knew that it was not right for him and kept job hunting. He quit the last week of July and began working for Texas Oncology at a hospital in Arlington. His job title is cancer registrar. It includes a lot of stuff but he's not a secretary (that's what his job title makes it sound like). He helps stage cancer after it has been diagnosed, leads cancer conference meetings every week, abstracts, runs a clinical trial program... on and on and on. He does a lot of stuff. Just stuff. And a lot of it is boring to him. That's what he does during the day. About a month ago we were sitting in the doctor's office for my check up and he said "So I have a second job". That's how it went. He'd had it for about a week but this was the first time he had time to tell me. His second job is working for a doctor at the medical school he wants to go to assisting in research studies. Right now he is going through charts and trying to find different correlations regarding cancer (this patient and this patient both used birth control etc). Anyway this job is leading him to meet some of the bigwigs at the school giving him an inside edge when he applies to this medical school. He got this second job just a few weeks before the April MCAT was held and decided it would be best to hold of until May (Tuesday after memorial day) to take the MCAT. More schmoozing time, more studying time. Also he is still the executive secretary and spends Tuesday evenings and ALL of SUNDAY at church. So right now he goes to work, stops working but stays there and studies for 1-2 hours, comes home does some work. Watching tv on the internet and then goes to sleep and does it again. Saturdays he studies and does stuff for the Bishop. He has a pretty hectic schedule. Last weekend was our Anniversary. Adam got home from Minnesota on Friday but had agreed to volunteer as the Team Captain for Relay for Life. Funny thing how they didn't mention what all was involved. So he spent Friday - Saturday (the idea is that Cancer never sleeps) in arlington trying fund raise for the American Cancer Society. Yep. Got off the plane, repacked for the night, left. He got home around 5:30 am. Abby and I did the Mayfest so that he could sleep. He got up just in time to go to the priesthood session of Stake Conference. And then we were doing Stake Conference. It feels like things are piled up on each other. This weekend is Mothers Day, Josiah decided to come for a visit (this is an entirely different blog), Adam has the MCAT in 2 weeks...It's crazy. I'm a single mom with a paycheck.

Interesting Article

I recently found a website called www.babyfit.com and found this interesting article about weight-training http://babyfit.sparkpeople.com/articles.asp?id=708 It just talks about the benefits of weight training. I have had a hard time feeling motivated about weight training for the last year and a half or two. I used it to lose a lot of the initial weight after Abigail, until it became comfortable to run again. Then I always promised myself that I would be committed to it again. I do a few machines everytime I go to the gym and have a few hand weights and resistance bands at home but I have not been very consistent. Anyway this was a good article for me stumble on.

6 Things Everyone Should Accomplish By the Time They Are 18

My friend Alyssa tagged me months ago, like March. I think that this hit me kind of at a busy time. Also I reflected a lot about what I didn't know or had not accomplished by the time I was 18 and therefore also what I have not yet accomplished. I also thought of Abby and what I want her to accomplish by then. Here's my best shot at it, in no particular order.

#1 Everyone should know how to fill out basic forms. Fortunately this is one that I did know how to do but found working with the general public that most people struggle with. You should know how to fill out medical forms, including all of the information pertinent to yourself. You should be able to fill out a job application. You should be able to fill out a college application. You should be able to fill out a basic tax form.

#2 Everyone should understand basic finance ideas by this time. This one I did not know. But I was not alone. I remember, as may Alyssa, asking why I was paying extra for utilities. I didn't sign up for that I said. Ha ha. I had no idea what they were. I am not sure if this was because I received the information and filed it in the not pertinent to me right now file or if I never received the information. I also had no idea how to communicate with my bank or how to keep records of my finances. Another big doosie: I had no idea how interest in my credit card worked, non the less fees.

#3 Everyone should have a religious experience by 18. It's hard for me to say that everyone should be attending a decided upon religion or practicing a decided religion by 18. I do think that everyone should have an idea of what religion is and why it is so important to people. With this idea I guess that I want people to be respectful and tolerant of mainstream religions (I say mainstream because I don't think we should be tolerant of abusive sects ie David Koresh or the current FLDS crisis). By 18 you should know to be observant of others deeply held beliefs and show respect. I also think that by this age it is important for people to have started exploring what their own beliefs are.

#4 Everyone should have succesfully participated on a team or group striving for the same goal. This could be a sports team, student council, a youth group doing a service project. I'm not talking about an assigned school project that takes 1-2 meetings. I am talking about something more long term where the individual is invested in the results. These experiences are important to learn how to operate in a group. It also exploits our strenghts and weaknesses. Admittedley I hated group projects, it never seemed fair that my grade depended on others. However, I do think it has real world application. As much as I might dislike that the success of the project depended on other people this is true in work settings and community settings.

#5 Everyone should have engaged in an activity that increased their confidence, something hard that taught them how to cope with hard things and that they can do hard things. Also this activity should inspire them to continue working towards a goal. For me this was cross country. I made a goal at the beginning of my senior year that I would never miss a day of cross country. I succeeded with benefits that are still lasting today. I know that I can do hard things. I know how I cope with the ups and downs of adversity. I also made goals after the season was over to always be able to run a mile in 10 minutes. This has been true for most of the 10 years since I made that goal. It is true right now.

#6 Everyone should have participated in some form of community service/program that supports the community. This hopefully will become a lifetime pursuit. For me I really like to live in communities that have a strong community center. Orem, UT had a really good community, both rec center and library. Bountiful had also had really strong programs. The one that I have been most involved in however is Hurst. I truly have a strong love of Hurst because of the community programs. I also love to support the different local causes through running 5k's that support the community. I think that there are a variety of ways to support local community and that individuals should be aware not only of what some of them are but seek out the ways that they will enjoy and continue.

Politics

A few months ago Becca and I were talking about how something like this http://politics.nytimes.com/election-guide/2008/issues/economy.html would be helpful. Anyway I glanced over it and it seemed helpful.

Hypermiling

Since I am a stay at home mom and can schedule most of my activities at my leisure I have started practicing hypermiling. A big part of this is driving slowly. Once I looked at this as a challenge it became easier. I really pay attention to how often I push the gas pedal and how far up my rpm goes (hopefully never over a 2). Also as soon as I park I turn the engine off and never start it before I am completely ready to go. But accelerating slowly and not using anymore gas at a red light or going 25 mph or slower down the hill to mom and dad's house (I can make it about a mile from either direction without gas to home) really makes people mad. I drive as far on the right as I can in case anyone wants to try and pass me. Anyway I read this article http://amasci.com/amateur/traffic/trafexp.html about driving in traffic. I do almost no highway driving so I don't know how well this works but I will try it next time. Also here is a website that give a basic understanding of hypermiling http://www.hypermiling.com/.

Too Long

It has been a long time since I last posted a blog, and not because there hasn't been anything to blog about. On Tuesday Rebecca and I had the opportunity to leave our babies behind and go to the temple. It was really nice. It was the only peace I think that I have felt all week. Also while we were in the session I think that I felt the baby kick. Pretty cool. My friend Aaron and Katherine had their baby early Wednesday morning. Aaron had flown back to Washington with his army unit to wait for their call to go to Afghanistan. Five minutes after he got off the plane Katherine called and said that she was in labor. Luckily Aaron's commander was compassionate and told him to go back home until Thursday night. So he was able to greet his little daughter before he goes. Adam is out of town on a business trip for job #1. I have a race on Saturday. I should clarify what racing consists of at this point. It doesn't consist of putting the baby in danger, like a lot of people think, it does consist of staying motivated and excited about working out. It really helps me want to keep working out. And you get free stuff too. Okay not free stuff but you get some cool stuff. Abby is obsessed with Ni Hao Kai Lan. Loves it. A lot. I'm glad. That's how I was able to write this blog.

Repentence

I had my temple recommend interview yesterday with the Bishop. As he was asking me the questions I couldn't help but get a little emotional. I have a strong testimony of the gospel and I feel it such a privilege to have this testimony. I realized that a great deal of my testimony is about repentence. We really have the opportunity to become better people and to move in a positive direction because we have Jesus Christ as our intercessor. It is through Him that we can change our lives and be forgiven for past misdeeds. This is concept of moving forward and trying harder is a great deal of the action part of the gospel. This is our good works. To repent. To recommit to following our Father's will.

Times

I just checked my time/place in the zoo run. My time was 33.18 which is about 4 minutes slower than last year. My place was 940 overall. Ick. I don't feel too badly, however, since most of my training this time was done on a treadmill. Next year I hope to be below 30 minutes again.

Yay!

This morning Adam and I ran the timed 5k zoo run run. I love going to the race. I get all nervous and I can hardly sleep the night before. This morning I woke up at 5:20 am but tried to stay in bed until the alarm went off. My legs get all jittery and I feel all excited. I love the race. It's like the excitement of Christmas for me. It's just fun and I'm always glad that I did it. This time I fell, and I fell pretty hard but I wasn't hurt. I will attribute it to pregnancy brain. I didn't see the orange cone and I tripped all over it and fell. No injury though. I tried to run a little further up ahead because I was embarrased. I'm sure that some slow poke said "I might be slow but at least I'm not dumb enough to trip over a cone!" That's okay. I still had fun.

Did You Know...

I have recently begun receiving REAL SIMPLE magazine. The most recent issue was all about laundry. I learned a lot from this issue but one really cool thing that I had never thought of was using it to wash Abby's toys. I put all of her plastic toys in the washer, well in three separate loads (no I did not separate into darks, lights and whites). You put it on the gentle cycle with a little bit of soap and I put bleach in as well. Anyway this was a much better way of doing it instead of individually wiping off each one. It also made me feel better because recently a lot of little little kids have come over and sucked on our toys...And I forgot which block or cup or figurine it was. But now they are all clean. Yay!

I'll Stand By You

I was listening to the sirius radio on mom and dad's cable. I'll stand by you by the Pretenders came on. The first sentence says "There's nothing that you could confess that could make me love you less". I thought that was kind of funny. When we get married we kind of promise to be the best to each other, but we also promise to stand by each other through the worst of it. And it can get bad. Ironically we essentially give our partners the ability to hurt us the most. Marriage makes you so vulnerable. So unshielded. It often makes me feel uncomfortable to think of how much I depend on Adam. He takes a lot of crap stemming from that insecurity. It's not that he's not trustworthy. He is trustworthy. He's the best. But I hate to think of what would happen if he weren't. Back to the first sentence of I'll Stand By You. It's not true for me. Adam could say things that could make me hate him. He could do things that would bring me so much further down than death and hate. But maybe the action of love, maybe I would be strong enough to stand by him and eventually love him again. I respect the people that I know that give marriage this incredible commitment.

I miss my old blog...it was cooler

So I've started to blog 3 times in the last few weeks. It seems like something pops up everytime. I was going to blog about how horrendously ill I was over conference weekend. Then I was going to blog about the 1 day I worked last week. That was interesting. Then I was going to blog about how afriend of mine, heather, saw two people rondevous for what we are pretty sure was an affair and how that is not so uncommon here in Texas. Right now Abby is crying because I took her bowl of half eaten fruit loops away because she was digging through it with her and hands and trying to "ring out" the fruit loops. Maybe she likes them better dry. Anyway I miss my old blog. But also I miss having sometime to blog without huge interruptions like Abby standing next to me screaming.

Lotion Baby

I have wanted to blog about this picture for a while. I was downstairs doing the dishes when I heard Abby at the back door sloshing in something. I found her like this. Covered literally from head to toe including her pajamas in lotion. She had found a bottle of lotion, luckily that was cheap and that I didn't like, and had smeared it all over herself and the upstairs bathroom. Carpet, sink, mirror, cabinets. She then came downstairs to continue her rain of terror. This all occured within a matter of minutes. Not even 10. It was so funny. The lotion come off of everything easily. Abby had a long moisturizing bath. Just to contrast the other picture is of Abby on a Sunday morning when she had been left alone for minutes. She put on her little sweater, hat, and shoes all by herself. You just never know with a two year old.

April Fools? No. I am really pregnant. This is a lousy excuse for why I have not been blogging lately. Mostly I have wanted to complain about being sick and not feeling well. And then I kept saying that I had to put these pictures up before I could blog about anything else. I will be 12 weeks on Thursday. The doctor said that everything looks really great.